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| ~~~Rants & Raves~~~ August 30, 2010: Homophobic Messages Lurking Around New York City Today, while riding the 5 train to Brooklyn College, I read hateful, homophobic messages written on a breast cancer advertisement. Click on this link to view the actual pictures, Pictures from Advertisement.docx. The messages read:
“WE SUCK EACH OTHER!!!”
“WE ALL ‘EAT’ EACH OTHER!” and “WE ARE ‘ALL’ GAY!”
Each message was written in capitals with certain words underlined, and was written with a black marker. Of course, the perpetrators performed this act during the night because they are too scared to get caught. It was a premeditated act. For someone to tag an advertisement related to a great cause like breast cancer, you are a pathetic person. This person (or persons) wrote these comments because the women pictured in the photo were not wearing much makeup, were dressed in muted colors, and many of them had short hair. Why is not being overly feminine mean you’re gay?
In a City that promotes no tolerance of hate toward the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ) peoples, individuals continue to spew their hate toward this population. Where are the cameras when you need them? Where is the NYC MTA to step in and address these comments? Where is Christine Quinn when you need her? I will ensure to alert Ms. Quinn to the remarks that have been written on the train, in order for her to address it with her constituents.
Why do these people hate us gays? I answered this question in a previous blog, but I remain confounded by the level of hate. As long as I am here, I will be relentless in fighting for equality. The more you people hate us gays, the more that I will teach on LGBTQ issues, write on it, and talk about it. And the way I approach these issues will be in an authoritative, resilient, and aggressive manner.
To all of you homophobes: You continue to reinforce my identity as a gay person by making your hateful comments.
August 29, 2010: Overwhelmed and Persevering For the last two months, my life has been filled with a tremendous amount of change, and at times, I feel like a nervous breakdown is nearing. Somehow I manage to dust myself off, and stay focused. Michael has been my strongest support system: he motivates me, and refuses to let me give up.
As I was working on a syllabus for one of the classes that I am teaching, I broke down. What I was most overwhelmed by were the errors in the template syllabus that I was given. There were errors everywhere: in the writing, organization, and format. Michael recognized that I was becoming more and more overwhelmed, especially when I curled up on the sofa. He sat with me and helped me to rework the syllabus and make the necessary changes. Because of him, I gained the strength to finish the syllabus, and formulate my other syllabi. In psychology, we would call this lending ego, which means Michael provided me with his ego strength to execute the assignment.
I always consider the duos that have influenced America. They say that Erik Erikson’s wife was the eyes and ears behind all of his theories. And look at all the president’s wives who have stood by their men, and have been prominent figures in making important changes in America. There is no such thing as “doing it on your own.” This is nonsense. We all need help, support, and the eyes and ears of others to do the job. We are not a species that can operate alone.
Before I end today’s blog, I would like to highlight a new page that I created on Facebook. Michael and I created a page to promote our interest in hosting the new male View show. Please, go onto this Website, and join: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/Joseph-LoGiudice-Michael-Carosone-hosting-the-New-View/145838478782649
August 25, 2010: On the Train and Thinking I am riding the N train to Manhattan, listening to my Madonna music, and what do you know: there is a gay sitting across me and checking me out. Even in South Brooklyn, I manage to catch the eye of a fellow gay.
I admit that there is nothing like my beloved Chelsea gayborhood—and I miss it dearly. I like living in Fort Hamilton, but the freaking people are narrow-minded and Sarah Palin fans. Ewww. I detest these folks. Any person who supports Palin is an idiot. I hate even typing her name, gives me nausea. Not only are they politically and socially conservative, they demand a poor quality of products, including food, cleaning, and body care. I witness many luxury cars, but not luxury products. This has been difficult for me since I don’t have a car to travel to places that sell high quality products.
The question of today: Why are neighborhoods outside of Manhattan backward in their priorities? I am judging you folks who don’t pay attention to what you’re purchasing and consuming. There is no thought process that goes into purchasing and its effects on the human body and environment.
I may be a boy from Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, but this does imply ignorance. I taught myself the A-Zs about products. Why can’t these people do the same? Sorry that I cannot sugar coat the realities of these neighborhoods. Even in Park Slope, I find people eating poor quality food. Sometimes these people can be hypocrites.
I am getting off my soapbox for now, but there is more to come on this topic. When Michael and I have the money to buy an apartment, we will return to Manhattan. We are too progressive and liberal in our ways.
August 24, 2010: Busy but Unfulfilled Although I have been preoccupied with furnishing my apartment, I don’t feel fulfilled. I feel lazy and unproductive. I can’t bring myself to exercise regularly, and am feeling un-motivated. I have a ton of work to do professionally, but yet, I can’t bring myself to do this work. I can’t tell you why I have been avoiding life. No answers come to me. The only answer maybe is that I am just tired.
After moving and all this change, I don’t have the mental capacity to work. Sometimes I wake up thinking about lying on the sofa and watching lots of television and reading books. But I always recover from these bouts of laziness, and go on super productive mode. I can’t tell you why this happens either. Maybe I am human and this is what we all experience in life: highs and lows. Sometimes there are waves of energy and sometimes there are not. In my case, I am riding the no wave zone. If I were to return to a therapist, he/she would say that I am being harsh to myself. Am I? The Freudians would say that I have a harsh superego, which is true, but what does that mean in my daily life? How does one cope with their own criticism, and when is the criticism meant to give you that push? Always all these questions, and never there are answers.
As a student, I studied a great deal of philosophy, which always fascinated me. It still has yet to help me understand my own thinking about myself and life. And all the psychology doesn’t help. When Michael tries to talk to me about this, I will be sycophant with him. I try to neutralize these highs and lows, but they continue to exist. Maybe this is just me being me.
Freud said that personality is fixed after the age of 6, and there is truth to this. I believe at this age, there are traits that remain, but they are disguised through other behaviors and thoughts. I see friends suffering from bad childhoods, making attempts at change, but their past never washes away. My childhood is always present, and even though I know it’s there, doesn’t mean I can monitor for its effects.
All this philosophizing has exhausted me. Maybe we people are not so linear after all. We don’t fit into these formulas, and life is unpredictable. Or, maybe, we are predictable, and we need to figure it out.
August 21, 2010: Advocating Hate: Americans For [The] Truth About Homosexuality This morning as I was looking for a Website, I stumbled upon this Website: http://gaywrongs.org/, also known as Americans For Truth About Homosexuality. I was intrigued to find out what this Website was about. I opened it, and I read a letter that was addressed to Elizabeth Hasselbeck on why she turned her back on the conservative party by being a proponent for homosexual marriage. Interesting how they use the word homosexual rather than gay. My blood boils when I read stuff like this because I am not for discrimination. Anything having content promoting racism, homophobia, anti-feminism, sexism, etc. disgusts me. American society is filled with all types of people with various backgrounds; we should continue to expand diversity and multiculturalism, and teach it in our schools. As a teacher of multiculturalism, I hold strong convictions on acceptance. People with internalized hate generally project it onto others by denouncing them. And when “religious” individuals participate in hateful speech against otherness, they are projecting their own insecurities onto others. I wonder how we will survive as a country of United States? We are not united in our thinking and behavior. We are torn by our views, and we should have remained separated. We have many narrow-minded folks who don’t believe in advancing in these modern times. Then we have folks in the Northeast and West Coasts who have intelligences and wish for a peaceful world. For you folks who are for “Americans For Truth About Homosexuality”: We gays want equal rights and we will get them!
August 17, 2010: Stupid People Who Become Managers/Supervisors/Directors Does it ever aggravate you that stupid people are appointed to manager/supervisor/director positions? I cannot stomach being around these people because they don’t deserve their titles and salaries. Since they are stupid, other people like me have to suffer and pick up their slack, and then have to endure their issues with power, superiority complexes, and personality disorders. They also bring their baggage from home to the workplace because most of the time they lack power in their respective lives. Listen up, go get a therapist and leave your baggage at home. Half of the time, you don’t get work done because you’re too mentally exhausted from dealing with these types of individuals. Ever ask: How the heck did they earn these titles? They kissed someone’s ass, or know someone. You rarely ever see someone being given a title unless both of the aforementioned circumstances apply.
If you’re like me, you get annoyed with this unfairness because you beat yourself up in school by making the library your new home. I never left the library, really, never. I ate there, met friends there for conversation, and began leaving clothes there, too. You laugh at me, but I am not kidding. I always thought, “Oh, one day this will pay off, and I will be doing great things with all this book knowledge.” Boy, did I have a reality check after graduation. Actually, this process never ended for me. Still today, I cannot believe how much I have had to struggle in my profession, and don’t comprehend why my training and education is undervalued. Maybe I intimidate them? Maybe my good looks and brains make them feel inferior? Sorry if this sounds obnoxious, but I don’t doubt what I have to offer. Once again, people who are stupid generally feel intimidated by smart (and good looking) folks. They don’t want you taking their jobs. That is probably why it has taken you a longer time to find a job, just like me.
Although these people exist, my optimism remains, and I fathom a brighter future consisting of educated people who leave their crap at home. Over time, I have observed changes in schools, agencies, and businesses, and eventually these morons are kicked out of their jobs because of incompetence. They are literally forced out of their jobs because the company begins feeling the repercussions of their stupidity. So, if you are one of these people, stop bothering your staff, go get a brain, and grow up already.
August 12, 2010: A Crazy Week! It has been a crazy week thus far. I have been literally running around New York City trying to get my life back together. I have been on interviews, furnishing my apartment, meeting family and friends, and adjusting to a new life in Brooklyn. I could say without hesitation that I love my apartment and new life in Brooklyn. I missed my Brooklyn people and culture. Someone wrote to me in an email, “[there is] no place like Brooklyn.” I agree completely.
On my adventures in the City, Michael and I have been to IKEA a million times, and each and every time we are annoyed with the interminable lines and waiting. Can anybody in that store get their act together? I sometimes wonder if the IKEA Corporate Headquarters are aware of what actually happens when someone is about to purchase their items and have them shipped. As long as the money continues to infiltrate, I doubt they care what happens in their respective stores.
We customers accept bad services which we should not tolerate. Sales people and representatives are disgruntled, and they don’t care about the information they convey to you, and most importantly don’t care how you’re treated. A perfect example is my furniture being delivered late and with damages. Why does this occur? Why don’t they wrap my new furniture? Why don’t these workers care about the products they are delivering? I just shake my head in confusion.
Alright, I will stop complaining. I am happy to be home. For a change, I feel genuinely happy.
August 6, 2010: Start Walking
This past week Michael and I were pet sitting in Upstate, New York. Michael’s sister went away on vacation, and we offered to watch her house and pets. Unfortunately, my allergy and sinus were out of control because they flair up when I am around pets and wilderness. I took pills which did absolutely nothing. My head was congested and my thinking was cloudy all week.
Like Carrie says in Sex & the City, “I am what they call a bona fide City girl.” I love walking my City streets that are insect free. There is nothing like being able to walk everywhere. I am an active person and I don’t believe in driving unless it is necessary.
Since we are on the topic of walking, there was a fascinating article in the magazine, The Sun, regarding the use of fossil fuels and walk-able cities. The author predicted that cities that rely heavily on fossil fuels will eventually have to adjust a new way of living because fossil fuels will deplete. Even if these cities shift their sources of energy to solar, wind, etc., these sources will not sustain skyscrapers, cars, among other machines/electronics. Hence, walking will be the sole method for transporting and traveling; and reading, writing, and in person conversations will become popular again.
Can you imagine a world in which we must walk everywhere? I suggest you non-walkers put on a pair of durable sneakers and begin walking. This will help to increase your metabolism and build strength in your legs. You can explore your neighborhood, meet new folks, and create new pastimes.
August 3, 2010: What Keeps You Ticking?
I awoke feeling confused. Ever have those mornings when you do not know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it? Maybe this feeling is stemming from all the changes that I have put myself through for the past two months. Sometimes our lives can be too damn complicated. If it is not work, then it is personal stuff that keeps us busy.
As for me, both personal and professional have been in turmoil. I am waiting to hear from employers and have yet to furnish my new apartment. Can a designer decorate my apartment for me? Can I find a head hunter to get me a job? Sometimes I want to throw in the towel and forget about living. Living is exhausting.
Many friends of mine have admitted to me that they, too, are irritated with life and wish they can stay in bed. Then what keeps them ticking? They manage to wake up each morning, go to work, and come home to their respective families. Usually, they answer that it is better to live than to avoid it. As I grow older, one of my favorite coping mechanisms is avoidance. Yet, I also manage to be productive, and motivate myself to complete certain tasks and accomplish goals. Like my friends, I realize that staying in bed is unhealthy and will only lead to depression.
What inspires you to get out of bed?
July 29, 2010: New Brooklyn Lifestyle: How Exciting!
Michael and I found an apartment in Brooklyn that we love; it is one bedroom with great pre-war features and a view of the Verrazano Bridge (now you know where I live). I am almost overwhelmed by the amount of space we will have in our new apartment. It contains three huge closets, a big bathroom, an eat-in kitchen, windows and lights in every single room, and hallways. I told Michael that this will be an enormous change for us Manhattanites who have lived in a barely 250 square foot studio with one closet and a kitchenette. The change is absolutely welcomed because we needed more space and desired a quieter area.
For the last five years, I missed my Brooklyn…but there are a couple downsides to living in a remote area. Not living in a gay neighborhood is a negative. Not having an organic market is a negative. Not having all the stores around that you love is a negative. But as you get older, you certainly realize that nothing is perfect. There will always be pros and cons to every situation. I believe the positives outweigh the negatives.
The most important pro in living in this apartment in Brooklyn is silence. For five straight years, I heard people’s voices from my window, lots of traffic, and other things going on. I purchased two sound machines to block the ugly noise from the street, and even kept my air conditioner on to block it out. Even with these machines on, noise emanated from other people’s apartments in my own building. Most of them were insomniacs, stamping their elephant feet, talking and laughing extremely loudly, and even playing music. You just could not avoid the disruptions. Hence, this is the biggest reason for my relocation to Brooklyn, particularly the south part of it. I will always be a City gay at heart, and maybe one day I will return when my finances permit me to.
As for now, Michael and I will stay put for a long, long time. I can’t pack another box or change any more addresses. I may have a nervous breakdown if I even consider doing this ever again. I am sure you could understand. Moving is one of the most stressful events to experience in life. Don’t move unless you have to—really—stay put, and try to make your living situation work for you. I think that I learned this the hard way.
July 26, 2010: Returning to New York City
I am at LAX Airport with Michael, and we are thankful to be coming home to NYC. I never want to leave again! Of course, I plan to travel to other places in the world, but not to live. In the short time that we “lived” in LA, I have gained an abundance of material to write a book. The title of this book would be, Misadventures in Los Angeles, with chapter titles, such as: can you f#@ing drive?; slow does not mean relaxed, it means stupid; get a personality; where the hell is the Italian bread?; stop smoking already!; what happened to education?; corruption; stop being shallow; and stop comparing yourself to NYC!!! Do you like the name of my tentative book and accompanying chapter titles? Thus, I had an awful experience. It was painful, exhausting, and expensive. I came to LA to relax, and actually was stressed instead. Give me my New York any day.
But on a side note, I want to comment on a prior blog on the people of LA. I don’t hate ALL of them. The minimize wage workers and ethnic folks were some of the nicest people I have ever met. They were kind, generous, helpful, and pleasant. I wish life for them were better, and I always made an effort to tip every one of them, and never demand they treat me like royalty. I observed a lot of a@#hole Angelinos giving orders like they were elite. Please, get over yourselves already.
Okay, let me stop bashing, and move onto my arrival in NYC. The moment we arrive in the morning, I am going to kiss the ground and buy a loaf of Italian bread. Next, I need to find an apartment. While in Los Angeles, I promised myself that this time it will be different in NYC. I won’t get stuck in a bad mood with a rigid schedule, and I will push myself to venture out to enjoy the greatness of the City. Michael and I were escaping our lives—our horrible jobs which drained the shit out of us, and also the noise that echoed into our Chelsea apartment. Although I miss Chelsea, I am uncertain if I can bear living with that much noise. You have to be wealthy to live in a decent apartment in this neighborhood, and the same goes for the rest of Manhattan. At least Brooklyn offers quietness, cheaper rents, and more native New Yorkers. My friends and family are excited for this change because they will be closer to me in proximity. Michael, however, is not excited for this change since he loves Chelsea and Manhattan. I do, too, but I can’t take sleepless nights and emptying my checking account for an apartment. Our lives are too busy and I refuse to live on Starbucks coffees.
Upon my return, I need to plan for a course that I will be teaching at Brooklyn College. I will be teaching the assessment techniques course in the mental health counseling program. It is a brand new course that I never taught, so I am gathering the materials to create a syllabus. Ever create a syllabus? The first one is the most difficult, but afterwards it is an easier task. Thank goodness I am organized, which makes the process less tedious. The best part is thinking of the assignments and the topics for each week. I am given the opportunity to add my creative spin on what to discuss for each week. And I always promised myself that my students would receive a quality education by devoting a great deal of effort and time into developing a comprehensive syllabus. As a student, most of my professors provided us with a scrappy syllabus, which was put together in a night. (Yes, even professors are procrastinators, usually bogged down with research). To me, it is your duty to put as much effort into the process so the result is your students learn and conceptualize the material.
Other opportunities that await me in NYC are conducting therapy with the LGBTQ population on a part-time basis and becoming the new geriatric psych. social worker at a hospital. However, at this current time, these opportunities have not completely materialized, but they are 90 percent certain.
Michael continues to look for work, too, as a teacher or librarian. I always ask myself how he possesses three masters’ degrees, and is unable to find a job in the disciplines he studied in school. Before we departed, he was working as a special assistant for a city agency, which basically means being someone’s bitch. He was the boss of the whole damn department, doing everything from A-Z. I hope and pray each day that he finds work that suits him. And his writing never stops. I recently nominated him for the Puffin/Nation Prize which is given to a person who goes against the status quo. He has used his letters to advocate for both the Italian American and gay populations. Let’s see what happens.
I must shut my eyes now. Haven’t slept in days. Wish me luck in my apartment journey.
July 20, 2010: Religious Bigots
Every morning I read the news online to get updates on what is happening in the world. I am not a newspaper reader, but at night, I like to read magazines and books. So, for this morning I stumbled upon a posting from a homophobic and religious fanatic:
“No fags in heaven ... 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Homosexuality is on the bottom rung of the depravity ladder, along with incest and bestiality. God hates it. Don't like it? Then take it up with God. These are His laws.”
Reading hateful words of this nature brings every single molecule of hate in my body to rage against these folks. Lady Gaga experienced a hateful demonstration at her St. Louis concert, but she took a peaceful approach by informing her audience that love overcomes the hate in these protesters.
Why do people hate other people? There are traits that I loathe in people, but you don’t see me protesting and spewing vile words. Let people just be already. When you write, “No fags in heaven,” where does such hate derive from? Do you hate your life? Do you hate that you’re gay? Do you hate that you’re not liberated like the gays? When one makes these kinds of statements, I doubt Lucifer would grant you a spot in Hell.
I will tell you what I hate: religious bigots. Keep your hate to yourself. Resolve your anger and find the source of its origin.
July 19, 2010: New Experiences to Recount
The last three days have been rather rough for Michael and me. We booked movers and plane flights, packed, canceled services here in LA, restored our NYC telephone number, and made address changes.
I am extremely angry with myself for relocating to Los Angeles because I had doubts from the beginning. While visiting, Michael and I sat in a Starbucks, writing down all the pros and cons of relocating, and we had several cons—and only one pro: the weather. I could list the cons for you, but I already did that in a former blog. The biggest con is the people. The people drive me crazy and enrage me. Many times my Brooklyn, Italian American temperament has had to reprimand these idiots. They are constantly seeking attention, and they so damn superficial. During pride, Michael and I went to the Abbey, a bar/club in West Hollywood, and people actually pushed us. NEVER has anybody put their hands on me in such an assertive and disrespectful way. On that very night, I knew we would go back to New York, and also on that night, I felt sad about missing New York City pride L
Many nights I hear people on the street, yelling or talking loudly from my apartment. They are constantly partying or complaining. They can be immature and stupid. I hate how slow they can be, too. Someone admitted to me that he cannot multitask: the fellow said he could not run on a treadmill and use a towel to wipe himself. Are you kidding? I can’t stand these traits in people, and this is why I miss my New Yorkers so much. New Yorkers are worldly, educated, and quick-minded, with personality and ability to multitask. I once said in a blog that I am tired of the fast-paced and that quality takes a back seat; however, I revoke that statement. I invite it and commend my multifaceted New Yorkers.
Thank goodness that life allows you to rebound from mistakes. There will never be that thought of “What if I moved” on my mind. I am certain that New York City is where I belong for the rest of my life, and these experiences will be great stories to write on and talk about with friends and family.
July 15, 2010: My Emotional Side
While watching an episode of Bethenny Getting Married on Bravo television, Bethenny was asked by the wedding officiate if any of family will be attending her wedding. She began tearing up and then broke down crying. It was an extremely emotional and painful cry that I felt from my sofa. She has broken down in tears many times, but these tears took on a new meaning because of the history behind them. Having no one from your family, including your parents, attend your wedding and other important events in your life, is traumatic and devastating. Imagine being raised by people who do not care if you live or die? Imagine not being able to experience milestone events in your life with your loved ones? And imagine if you were single, emotional damaged from your past, and had no one to rely on for emotional support? I give her credit for being candid on her life. I respect and admire her resiliency. We don’t all go through traumatic events and then dust ourselves off and become huge successes like Bethenny Frankel. Some of us don’t have the resources, strength, and support we need to overcome trauma.
After watching that scene, I felt myself getting emotional, and I always refrain from crying. I am not comfortable with showing my emotional side. I am not the kind of person that demonstrates affection with my own family and friends. I keep a distance because of the fear of getting hurt and damaged emotionally. This part of me is just not working. Too much emotion is pent up inside of me, and now I have to release these feelings already. I am like the man who suffers from pent up emotion due to posttraumatic stress disorder—and eventually, the tears flow and don’t stop.
Recently, I feel myself tearing up for many reasons: missing home and feeling thankful to have family, friends, and my partner. How lucky am I.
July 14, 2010: To be Vegan or Not
Those of you who read my blog know that I am a vegan, right? Well, I have to be honest that occasionally I cheat and have dessert. Since September of 2006, I have been strict about not consuming any dairy or animal byproducts, and never will I touch a piece of animal protein again. However, since I arrived in Los Angeles, I have had this urge to eat dessert, especially chocolate. As a vegan, I can eat dark chocolate because it does not contain dairy, but I normally refrain from it since desserts contain a ton of sugar. Maybe I should not judge you folks for having dairy when I myself have deviated from the vegan diet. Of course, we all have different lives with various paths, so maybe a little dairy makes our lives feel whole.
I also cannot promise you folks that I won’t eventually have a cup cake from Billy’s Bakery or Magnolia or a piece of nutella pizza from N28. It is possible that I went off the deep end by never having a dessert once a week. It is also possible that I am too strict with my exercise schedule, being fixed to a four-day-a-week routine. My personality resembles Madonna’s in that I am obsessive compulsive with staying thin and lean. I hate being fat, and I am sure you do too. Who wants to look at abs that are covered by a layer of fat? I certainly don’t. I lost 15 pounds and gained three back in one year. Not bad, but is it a path of destruction? Once on the bandwagon, I am scared that I will continue to introduce fatter foods into my diet, and gain all 15 pounds back.
Besides loving desserts, I love bread, pasta, tomatoes, olive oil, and cheese. I have tried soy cheese and it tastes nasty. There is nothing like eating a piece of cheese that smells like foot odor. Yum! Whole Foods in Chelsea always places the fruit next to the foot odor cheese, and I start having these cravings for all types of cheese. But I have developed self-discipline with food. Growing up in a household with an empty refrigerator impacts the way you see food as an adult; hence, my reason for loving food. And being in America, we have these exceptional chemists who make food with delicious favors, making it harder for you to resist. How much do you resist your temptation for food? Do you get a high from shopping at the supermarket or gourmet markets like I do? Michael loathes going food shopping with me because I turn into Alice in Wonderland.
Point of today’s blog: eat moderately, resist processed goods, cheat once a week, and don’t splurge. Look at me, no dairy for years, and now I am craving it. Diets like these don’t work. Everything in moderation is the key to successful living.
July 13, 2010: Cannot Wait to Return Home to New York City
Now, I know how Dorothy felt when she wanted to return home. Where are my red heels? Too bad it is not that easy to return home. I am leaving all my furniture behind because it is damaged and dirty. During the move, the movers didn’t take care of my stuff, so every piece of white furniture I own is in bad shape. You may think that I am crazy for coming back so soon, but why plant roots here on the West coast when I hate it. There really is no place like my native New York City, and I am thankful to have been raised there. I miss my family, friends, and eccentric New Yorkers. They are the people I love and care about.
I threw away a lot of money on relocation costs, and it pains me to have made another gigantic mistake. You live and you learn, right? At least my colleagues and friends have been supportive of my decisions, and they all said, “You had to do it because then you would never know what Los Angeles was like.” It’s as if they had an informal conference call, and agreed on what should be said to me when I admit the mistake. Thank you for being nice and not saying something like, “you made a foolish mistake; you should have just taken a vacation and found a better job.” Shit happens. For the rest of my life, I will stay put on the island of New York City.
On a happier note, Michael and I decided to become writing buddies. We are both applying for a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Nonfiction, low residency programs. We hope to start these programs in the winter/spring semesters. The advantages of attending a low residency program are: it is independent written work that is ungraded and based on readings of your choosing, resulting in a manuscript that most people publish after finishing their respective programs.
I can use my writing to help people. My writing will be catalyst for change in the world—positive change—not that mumbo jumbo that we hear on the news and that nonsense of “yes, we can.” I am talking about people who are living on the fringes of society, who have a voice, but are unheard by the rest of us. I will restore their voices to full capacity, allowing every echo and tone to be heard by all us in the world.
July 12, 2010: What Inspires Me to Write? Where Does My Passion Come From? Yesterday, while I was having a conversation with my sister, she asked me to address where my inspiration and passion to write come from? Inspiration and passion come from the same source: my experiences and maternal grandmother. As a child, my siblings and I were raised in abject poverty with a mother with a mental illness. We cried from hunger, and were sad most of the time due to our lack of basic necessities. I remember the teachers calling my house constantly, only to talk to a mother who was not based in reality; but, it was not my mother’s fault for being mentally ill. My maternal grandmother took on the burden of raising us three children. She cooked for us, bought us clothes, and taught us everything we know. Whenever I think about the hard life she had it really makes me cry. She deserves the world for what she did for us. She is the reason I write on the social issues we people experience on a daily basis.
Through letters I have the capability of educating the world on my first-hand experience with poverty. When I feel someone has been wronged, I use all my power to rectify the issue. When I literally witness people struggling financially, begging for money in the streets, it breaks my heart and I refuse to turn down their request. It enrages me that some of us have so much and others have nothing. Why is this acceptable? If this is pure capitalism, then it’s not working for America. No one should be homeless, hungry, poor, unemployed, and discriminated against. We all deserve civil rights and basic necessities. I see people driving these sports cars, SUVs, and other luxury cars in Los Angeles, and I wonder: Do they give a crap about the people who are starving? Screw the stupid façade of being high class and get back to the basics. We are too self-absorbed in this world of money and fame.
Try using letters. Write in a journal, begin a blog, or write on a pad. You may find yourself becoming a new person by unraveling your past experiences and finding your protégé.
July 11, 2010: Voguing I watched Kelly Rowland’s new music video, Commander, featuring David Guetta. She was battling on the runway. Kelly, you go, girl! What do I mean by battling? When we gays refer to battling on the runway, we mean a voguing competition. The queen of all queens, Madonna, brought voguing to the mainstream in the 90s with her famous song, Vogue. But the history of voguing belongs to our Harlem queers who created voguing as a way to express themselves. In the 80s, New York City Queers vogued on the Christopher Piers, and they created different Houses that would compete against each other. For a video of bona fide voguers, visit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRrZH3lhHpc&feature=player_embedded.
Kelly Rowland in her new music video, Commander, battling.
The queen, Madonna, striking a pose, Vogue!
From the days of when I arrived at the Christopher Piers in the mid-90s, the queers were still voguing, and they taught me a couple of moves. I remember practicing for hours and hours, trying to win a battle against another peer of mine. Alas, I never managed to get the moves down, but learned a lot about my queer compadres. These voguers came from very sad, broken-down homes, where they were unaccepted by their families, friends, and communities. These queers, mostly Black and Hispanic, traveled to the Greenwich Village neighborhood to visit the Christopher Piers to battle each other. All night long, I loved to watch them with my friends, while we drank our 40s, and laughed so hard our throats hurt at the end of the night. Boy, do I miss those days. I even remember being invited to one of the House battles at Roseland Ballroom. I was astonished at all the great voguers, throwing their shade around.
Although the Christopher Piers are gentrified, filled with a bunch of queens who like taking the sun, once and in a while you will find queers voguing. Immediately, the old days seem like just a second ago: me sitting down, laughing, voguing, and thinking how much fun it was to be a part of such a unique group of people.
July 10, 2010: I Don’t Wish Moving On Anybody Four weeks later and I finally received my stuff from New York City. Michael and I had an altercation with the moving men over a mysterious fee for an elevator in our building, and we almost didn’t receive our stuff. All of our stuff was damaged, dirty, and smelled like it was sitting on a hot truck for four weeks. Originally, we were informed that our stuff would arrive within two weeks, and that never happened. Thus, I was terribly angry for being forced to pay an outrageous fee to people who did not take care of my stuff and who lied to me. And I practically had a nervous breakdown after looking at all the damage and dirt, and wished that I had never moved to Los Angeles.
There are no repercussions for these big businesses, and they can do whatever they want. They can create rules and fees at any given time, and lie to the customer. I hate these businesses, and I loathe that our government does nothing to protect the customer. We, of course, are going to file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau in hopes that an investigation will find them negligent and return money to us.
Without my stuff (e.g., television, books, magazines, computer), I felt like a madman being disconnected from all the things that I enjoy doing daily. I am feeling a little better now that I have access to my things, including the Internet. On the flip side, I have been feeling terribly home sick, missing New York City more than anything. I am not sure weather is everything because I miss my New York City streets, people, food, culture, intelligentsia, entertainment, and arts. Los Angeles lacks in more areas than I anticipated, including: respect for education; Italian food, Italian markets, and Italian bread; art galleries; museums; parks; public transportation; streets filled with people; intelligentsia; real people with personality; good drivers; and lastly seasons. I never realized seeing the sun everyday would be so damn boring. Also, I miss my family and friends. So, you guessed it, I am looking to return. This whole adventure to Los Angeles was a mistake—one that I will never forget. But this time, I need to return to New York City to an apartment that is silent where I can write. Living in Manhattan is out of the question—it is too noisy and expensive. I think Brooklyn is the best option at this time; however, I won’t be returning until a job prospect arrives.
After re-reading my “Soaking Up the Sun” blog, I realized that I, too, am a die-hard New Yorker, and will never be able to live anywhere else, except New York City. Hola, Nueva York, make way for my return.
Reminder: To celebrate the 1st year anniversary of my blogs, I will publish them in a book. If you’re interested in receiving a copy, email me: Joseph@JosephLoGiudice.com.
July 5, 2010: Quality of Life (I found this blog that I wrote while attending a boring seminar) What variables account for the quality of life? I carefully consider the following variables: noise, costs, careers, culture and diversity, space, health, free time, and civil rights.
Noise: It increases each day with too many cars and people living on top of each other who have various schedules and careers. Noise is generated through overpopulation. We need to control this issue in all cities, especially New York City.
Costs: Since Reagan-nomics and other huge mistakes made by other moronic presidents, the costs of living have risen exponentially. Look at the cost of real estate, food, transportation, and insurance. Salaries have not increased to offset the costs of living.
Careers: An array of careers exists in cities, and the competition is stiff due to oversaturation of overqualified and overcredentialed workers. This puts new workers, specifically college graduates, in a precarious position, which makes it difficult for them to gain employment in their respective fields. And with all this competition, employers have the upper hand, and can pay whatever they want. You are at their beck and call. What irritates me about the workforce is the older folks who have less education, training, and credentials—yet, they are in executive positions. They should not have the power to tell younger, more educated folks, what to do. Meanwhile those older folks are disgruntled, stagnate, and resistant to change; they think in a vacuum.
Culture and Diversity: We normally find a diversity of cultures and ethnicities in metropolitan places. I appreciate this most about cities, but you also find separation of cultures and ethnicities. Take New York City, where groups of people of the same culture or ethnicity live in the same neighborhood. This is not a coincidence.
Space: Congestion occurs because of overpopulation. Need I write more?
Health: Busy cities consist of career-oriented people. You have individuals de-prioritizing health, exercise, and sleep. Instead, these people are using bad habits to deal with their busy lives. Rather than slow down, they become unhealthy, speed up, and overwork themselves. Health is terribly compromised and ignored.
Free Time: Forgetaboutit. This does not exist in a busy city. Free time is essential in refreshing our bodies. R & R (rest and relaxation) are helpful and intuitive to human nature. Production is a word created from capitalism. Make free time for enjoyment, even if it is sleep.
Civil Rights: I saved the best for last. Are we slaves or free, independent entities? The former is where we people fit into because there are several restrictions on our lives. We continue to be enslaved to the government and big business. We have little control of our lives. LGBTQ, women, ethnic people, poor people, minorities, and seniors are perceived as a burden to society. In cities, we are so damn busy that we pay no attention to the needs and problems of these people. The government and businesses mistreat these people, making them even more disenfranchised in society. Even with policies and laws in place they are not treated any better.
Our quality of life must be overhauled and revamped. Why can’t our country come together to fix these problems?
July 2, 2010: Cynic or Healthy Skeptic If you read my last blog, you probably think I am too cynical and serious. My family pesters me about my seriousness, especially when I become hyper-intellectual and passionate on important issues that affect this country. I am not a fan of passive, stupid people. We should not go on living without thinking. If you’re going to regard me as a cynic, at least be nice about it, and label me a healthy skeptic. My former social work supervisor loved to label herself the healthy skeptic, when she was in fact was a cynic just like me. We got along well, and both of us had penchants for social issues.
My affinity for reading leftist magazines, such as The Nation, The Sun, and The Atlantic, has increased because of my mistrust of the general media. These magazines have heightened my awareness on the lies Americans are fed each day. You Fox5 viewers need enlightenment. You are being lied to! Stop listening to those Tea Partiers who claim that deregulation, less spending, and devolution of government will resolve America’s problems. And you freaking Tea Partiers, war does equal patriotism.
Give me a chance at putting together our political and social agenda. These are the issues that I would tackle anon:
America’s national deficit; our global image and relationships; our issues with poverty, hunger, and homelessness; eradicate discrimination and give all Americans civil rights; our education system; our health care and mental health care systems; and trading in our capitalistic ways for a socialist society.
Let us finally move beyond rhetoric to action. With action, we may be able to save our country, and restore meaning to democracy, liberty, freedom, and patriotism.
June 30, 2010: “Independence” Day As we near Independence Day, I question: Are we truly independent as a nation and people? The word independence has lost its meaning because Americans are enslaved to our government. It is a government that does not care for our basic needs, makes us pay for everything, and only asks us for more money each year. We are locked in chains, unable to find meaning, and lead monotonous lives.
Our “independence” is at the expense of other countries that we exploit for resources. We are bound to China for money and goods, and our government continues to borrow more. Our national deficit is at the highest in American history, somewhere in the trillions. We Americans look to the politicians for answers to problems, but alas, they have no solutions.
Thus, what is there to celebrate on this day of “independence”? Nothing! What I see Americans doing on the 4th of July are having BBQs, setting off fireworks, and avoiding the issues that plague them on a day-to-day basis. Stop being mindless, educate yourself on your lack of independence, and don’t be passive!
If you’re going to hang the American flag in front of your window, please be alert to its history and meaning. Don’t just perform this act of good citizenship because you’re obligated. Do it because you understand why you are here in America, and what it stands for—freedom in its real sense. Not the freedom we hear from the government. I am talking about the ideal freedom, where one can make independent decisions, be unbound from the government’s reins, and perform the duty of educating others on our civil rights.
Unless we are committed to change—and I mean a revolution—then, we will remain enslaved to the government, and be robots that perform menial work.
Are you ready for a CHANGE?
June 28, 2010: Happy Gay Pride Month Yesterday, I missed the New York City Gay Pride March, which normally attracts a whopping million Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ) people from the USA and world. I admit that it saddened me to miss it, and maybe I should have delayed my relocation until after the month of June. Not only did I miss the march, but also the LGBTQ events held throughout New York City in June. In June ’09, I attended a few book readings by queer authors at the Barnes and Noble on West 82nd and Broadway, where writer, Lou Pizzitola is in charge of a queer author series. Thanks, Lou, for doing a fantastic job of putting queer writers at the forefront. We need more gays to be advocating for us, and not getting sucked into the dominant, paternalistic, homophobic world.
Did you know that June was declared, at least by New York City, as Gay Pride Month? I recently learned that the Mayor of Los Angeles also declared June as Gay Pride Month. It makes me question why Los Angeles was lagging behind on this matter.
In Los Angeles, there is much ado about repealing Proposal 8—but, other issues on the gay agenda are nowhere to be found. For example, I have not heard a shred on Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, non-discrimination in the workplace and school, and AIDS/HIV research funding. Proposal 8 should not be the only issue that Los Angeles focus on, while leaving all the other gay issues to the wayside.
With this relocation, I promised myself to complete my book on gay Italian American men’s lives, which is my first contribution to the LGBTQ population. What jump started me on this writing adventure was reading queer authors; and I envy their inspirational stories and strength of characters.
I like to highlight a few queers who have been relentless in their journey to promote equality; these queers include Larry Kramer, Kate Clinton, Michelangelo Signorile, Urvashi Vaid, Harvey Milk, and Cleve Jones. Please, take the time to read about these people, and learn about their histories.
June 27, 2010: Living Holistically Gosh, the days continue to pass by me, and the hours seem like seconds. As I grow older, the days appear shorter, and my “to-do” gets longer. There are these business experts who say time management can assist us, but that is bullshit. I write everything in my calendar, and it only makes me more anxious. The closer that I near the big 3-0, I realize the importance of living in synchronicity, which means being in tune with the universe and your body. It is similar to living a holistic lifestyle. People who subscribe to holistic living understand that each day has new opportunities and energy to tap into. When we plan ahead of ourselves we are not living anymore. How can you control the challenges, tasks, and opportunities that life presents on a day-to-day basis? You can’t. It’s just impossible to control the things that occur on an everyday basis. Hence, the concepts of primary and secondary control are nonsense, too.
I am lessening my “to-do” list, and listening to my inner voice. If that voice says to me: “try making pasta from start to finish,” that is what I will listen to, rather than look at a calendar (or, alternatively an IPhone or Blackberry, which many of us own and I still do not) with a list of items that probably will not get completed. So, with this new way of living, my writing is centered on topics presently on my mind, or recently on my mind.
Today, I am thinking of entering a Master of Fine Arts in Creative Writing program to discipline myself on writing on topics that fascinate me, such as food, politics, environment, and social issues. My mind also has been focused on entering a program on nutrition and culinary studies. California has been innovative with their schooling, allowing hybrid programs to evolve. I envision myself teaching people on the benefits of eating and cooking as a vegan, and the vitamins and minerals that one gains by eating this way. I want to put to rest the idiots who say eating animals and animal byproducts is healthier than eating vegetables and fruits.
And living more holistically, we need to return to a life of no cars, no television, no technology, just nature and people. That’s right. I believe in returning to a life of pre-industrialization. We need to collect and prepare our own food, and learn what this food does for our bodies, minds, and spirits. Lastly, we need to get in touch with our environment.
June 24, 2010: Competing Aspects of the Self I tossed and turned all night long because there were a ton of things on my mind. And then in the morning, when I jumped up from bed, still feeling fatigued, I ran to make a cup of extra strong coffee, which only jolts for me a couple of hours. Unfortunately, I usually make another stop for coffee if the exhaustion prevents me from functioning. Generally, my mood is irritable for most of the day from sleep deprivation, and Michael gets upset with me for not sleeping more. I start feeling sorry for myself, and ask myself: Why can’t you sleep and what is with all the nervous energy? Of course, this huge change in relocating to the West coast has caused me a great deal of stress, and I have a low tolerance for dealing with change. Let’s talk about change and the process one experiences to fully accept it. Change is perceptual: this means we all experience change differently due to our unique upbringings. For example, with relocating to another part of the country, this change was enormous since I was raised in a New York City-centric family. Hence, the relocation process has been causing all types of emotions to be stirred up, and at times, I don’t know how to control them. My mind seems to be feeling doubtful, but also excited, all at the same time. Similar to when people say that you can have more than one emotion simultaneously, which appears confusing, yet real. The change process entails emotions of all types to be activated, and only you have the ability to sort through them. Sometimes you can ignore them, and sometimes they are an indication that something is awry. Being an Italian American, I was raised to listen to my emotions carefully and attentively. However, the rational part of me says: Don’t listen to those silly emotions. Change is about taking into consideration both the emotional and rational aspects of the self. Do you ever find yourself listening to one aspect over the other? I do. We toggle between these parts of the self, trying to discover which one has the “right” answer. But neither of them is wrong. We need to give equal consideration to both of them. In this change process, the emotional and rational parts will help me to achieve acceptance of living in a new place.
June 22, 2010: Down, Shopping, and Food
I am feeling a little down, again, because I have not heard from any job prospects, including jobs in teaching and research. That “what if” always pops into my mind, questioning whether or not I will find the right job. I desire a job where my capacities can be utilized to their full potential. Being raised by family with neurosis and hypochondria, patience was a foreign concept. I want things to happen now, not later. Most city people have little patience.
Besides worrying, which I normally do, Michael and I are occupied with cleaning and shopping for our new apartment. As a renter, you find that most apartments in major cities are dirty and in need of renovation. Our new apartment, which is not new, needs an overhaul; someone like Debbie Travis, Candice Olson, or Jonathan Alder can do amazing things to my circa 70s apartment.
If not worrying, shopping, or cleaning, I am reading articles and books on food, politics, or the environment. I recently read an article in Mother Jones on vegetarians transitioning to eating meat. Why would one do such a silly thing? These easily persuaded vegetarians are being misinformed that vegetarian products are causing more damage to environment. A real vegetarian is doing for the purpose of saving animals lives, not just the environmental reason. I found the story one dimensional, narrow, and uninformative. For the last four years as a bon fide vegan, I believe in not killing, torturing or abusing animals. Even when animals are grass fed, they are still killed for us humans. And sadly, other articles and books are being published on the benefits of eating meat. Of course, to counter us vegetarians and vegans, these “experts” feel the need to educate us on the lack of nutrients in our diets. My retort: living as a vegan I have more energy from the produce that I eat, which supplies all the vitamins and minerals that I need to survive. I can send you a copy of the results from a recent blood test, which demonstrates my perfect physical health.
June 19, 2010: California Dreamin’
As a child, I watched the show, California Dreams, and always thought of it as a cute, yet corny, show. I didn’t love it as much as Saved by the Bell, but hey, California Dreams allowed me to fantasize about living in a sunny state.
I am here in Los Angeles for more than a week, and there are many thoughts floating through my mind. I hate the traffic already, and sometimes the people are terrible drivers. They are not cautious, and they ignore the rules of the road. I learned to be aware of the drivers around me in order to prevent an accident. The people are definitely slower—thank goodness—but sometimes they are brain dead. Alas, I can’t make assumptions so quickly and start stereotyping. The weather is to die for, seriously. Every single day is sunny, warm with a cool breeze—the best weather I have ever experienced in my life. On the flip side, earthquakes are not to die for, and I learned of a few precautionary measures to take if they occur.
I longed to write a blog. I was having separation anxiety. Besides verbalizing, I use the blog as an outlet for my thoughts and feelings. I am making a concerted effort to write, daily, and to practice more while I enjoy the beautiful, sunny weather. Actually, as I am writing this piece, Michael is swimming in the pool of our apartment complex, and I am sitting at the table next to him, absorbing the sun, and embracing the peace and quiet. I have a balcony in my new apartment, which is wonderful for writing, eating, and having conversations with others. Daily, Michael and I drink a morning coffee and have a conversation on the balcony.
In the future, I aspire to own a house in the Southern part of Italy. As I grow older, I am less tolerant to noise, and more interested in nature. I love to read and write. I am beginning to understand why writers and intellectuals live in places that are remote and secluded. I will probably be one of those people.
June 8, 2010: Exhausted and Ready to Start Anew
Normally, I am not a huge fan of writing or reading on plane rides, but while on my flight to Los Angeles, my mind refused to go on sleep mode. So, here I am, sitting on the plane, and thinking, “my freaking lower back hurts like hell,” and “my god, I just left my whole life in New York City to start anew.” An abundance of questions are floating through my mind, too, such as: Did I do the right thing? Are you crazy? Will you get along with the people? Will people think you’re weird, crazy, or hyperactive and neurotic? And most of all, will I make it?
Being raised in a close knit household within a culture of New Yorkers who never leave the island, you begin to develop paranoia about ever leaving. Although some die hard New Yorkers have wished me well, but I can’t stop thinking that maybe they are jealous or being disingenuous. Why can’t die hard New Yorkers just give it up, and admit that their lives are not all that perfect—and actually, quite miserable. I can tell you with all honesty that barely anyone at my workplace was happy for my relocation. For them, it is that reminder that another person is leaving for something better—and in this case, a much warmer environment. At one point in time, I became terribly irritated of “justifying” my reasons for relocating to Los Angeles, California. I quote “justifying” because no one deserves a reason for my relocation. I am a grown man with a brain, and am more than capable of making my own decisions. I attempted to explain all of the benefits of living in such a wonderful place, but of course, my explanation was interrupted by their narcissistic—and negative—comments.
Actually, I am quite thankful for having been offered the job of social worker at a social service agency because it has been the catalyst of change. I refuse to sit behind a desk, in an isolated office, doing silly assessment and treatment plans that are not for the client. The agency uses the jargon, but they are only concerned with fulfilling their contracts. Well, in my opinion, I refuse to work against the people. I need to be a proactive citizen who is helping others to achieve their best in life—whatever that may be. So far, I have discovered teaching and writing are roles in which I can help others achieve their goals.
The job with all its negativity and nonsense pushed me—pushed me to another location, and to wake up already. A voice spoke to me loudly and enthusiastically in the morning, afternoon, and night. That voice said to me: you are not getting any younger, and you are miserable. That voice spoke so strongly and took hold of my body and mind. It made me realize that I am not living anymore. It made me realize to never give up on your dreams and to make them come to fruition. It made me realize that I am a truthful, genuine, lovable, and talented person that has much to offer the world. So, world, here I am. Speak to me, write to me, and respect me. What you give is what you get.
June 2, 2010: A Letter Written to a Columbia University Dean While sorting through a ton of papers, I discovered a letter that I addressed to a dean at Columbia University. The letter discusses my return to Columbia, and what I accomplished during my leave from school. November 1, 2001 Dear Dean: The beginning of my sophomore year, I was experiencing personal hardships in my life and I made an effort to seek guidance. I was seeing Dr. Janine Smith in psychological services for help. For that period of time, I was convinced that a good work ethic in school provided happiness, when in fact it was related to my feelings of depression. The beginning of my second semester of sophomore year, I was still enduring the pains of uncertainty and disorder; the imbalance in my life was affecting me deeply. Therefore, I decided that a medical leave would benefit not only my success at Columbia University, but also the way I handled the changes and challenges within my life. I remember the day that I packed up my belongings and headed for home. I understood that my life was going to change from hereon in; however, I did not expect that these changes would make such a difference in my thinking. I see that a change is a challenge and a challenge takes courage to face; in order to learn from a change, acceptance is the key. I learned how to accept that my privacy was limited: my family would question my decisions, and that my system of thought would change again. I had to find a job to support myself, and since the economy was at a low I did temporary work. My family supported me during these times. In spite of this, I continued to be active by doing physical activities. My fear of success was tied to my fear of my decisions. I sought to be the best, and therefore, always evaluated myself against the extreme. I believed that my motivation was only school, when I learned only later that I had a variety of interests. Interests that I still would like to pursue in a college setting. I am not afraid anymore of being myself. Moreover, what has helped me to see that is my happiness. I love writing because it is therapeutic—my inner self comes out, without fear. I write in a journal daily because it helps me to see and understand the progress. Similarly, I read self-improvement books to keep my mind stimulated while seeking answers; and furthermore, I continue to meet with a therapist, and therapy has enabled me to open up more and trust myself. The people that impacted my life during these times were my family and my best friend. My best friend stood by me each and everyday for long conversations that made an impression on me for the rest of my life. My family contributed to alleviating the pressure that I put on myself. The words of wisdom from the ones who care about us only heighten us to bigger and better when we start believing them. I know my semester back at Columbia will be difficult, however, this time I have an understanding of my goals and interests. Past pressures are behind me because I have learned how to let go and live for today. Everyday, I seek to be proactive in all the activities, interests, and classes that I pursue. Furthermore, guidance is vital to my understanding, loving, and caring for myself as well for the people around me. I never gave up on myself; I will only stop living when I stop believing. Times will get rough, but keeping close to what is true in life, which is knowing yourself, will provide the strength and the willpower to make it through all obstacles. Sincerely, Joseph LoGiudice
There are grammatical, mechanical, and syntactical errors, but I was only a sophomore in college. Since then, my writing has improved tremendously. I left the errors to preserve its originality. Another fascinating aspect of this letter is the similarity in my thinking and feelings. Since November 2001, I remain pretty much the same person. I trust myself, finally, and I don’t care what others have to say about my decisions. I am tired of hiding behind the shadows, and telling people “I’m fine.” Most of life has been depressing, filled with people rejecting me, and never giving me positive feedback. Now, it is my time to shine. I will show every single person what it means to embrace your inner self. Let all your demons out, and don’t be afraid to analyze them.
May 31, 2010: Madonna: You Inspire Me I had a lazy weekend. I went to the gym, ate, and watched a lot of bad television. I finally got a chance to see Madonna’s Sweet & Sticky Tour, which was phenomenal. Madonna is an excellent example of a person who never gave up on her dreams, and remained in the spotlight because of her talent. People will call her a business woman, but I call her a musical icon. As a child, my mother played Madonna’s songs on the radio, and we danced to them together. I never felt jealous of Madonna, and always wished her endless success in her career. Many people call Madonna a bitch because she has been noted for her nasty attitude. But when you’re in the spotlight all the time, you need to have a guard up to protect yourself from others. I don’t judge Madonna for her demonstration of sexuality, and for having sex with men or women. She should be the person she wants to be. Why must we place a label on her? Let her be outrageous and explicit. Why is America conservative and judgmental? But if this were the case, we would not listen to her, so America must be more liberal than I imagine. Madonna has inspired me to continue writing, teaching, and educating myself. I will never stop thinking of all the complexities of life, and how one deals with them. From birth to the present, I have grown to be worldly, educated, and understanding of others. I give myself kudos for expanding my mind, and pushing myself behind what was expected of me. Be yourself: it’s that easy. If Madonna listened to her family, she would be working a 9am-5pm job and following silly traditions. Screw conventionality, and find your own path. Don’t let your dreams fade away. FYI: In the upcoming weeks, I will be revamping my Website to make it more interactive. I will be posting additional essays in the “Writing” tab. I will join Twitter, finally. And during the summertime, I will be finishing my book and publishing my blogs. Lastly, I need a professional photo. Can someone take a better picture of me? If so, send me an email: joseph@josephlogiudice.com, and let’s setup an appointment.
May 26, 2010: Never Listen to the Naysayer I received a good deal of criticism for leaving my miserable job in New York City and for relocating to Los Angeles, California. Maybe I should ignore the naysayers, but I have a low threshold for rejection, which probably stems from past traumatic experiences. The naysayers will always be there to warn you, derail you, or manipulate you. Their negativity derives from a world of self-hate, and the obvious misery that they experience on a day-to-day basis. I believe their attitudes are linked to a type of personality that has developed from their social environment. All of my life I am trying to get away from these people, but they always manage to sweep into my life and wreak havoc. But I am taking a stand for what I believe in. I have the courage and the conviction to be a great writer and influence people’s lives. Too many times, I listened to others, those that told me “no,” “change is not possible,” and “you’re an optimist.” Believing that you possess unique capacities is inherent to human nature. It is calling listening to your inner self, and then acting on the listening. How will you ever find happiness if you continue to avoid what your mind, body, and soul tell you? Going to Los Angeles, California presents an abundance of new opportunities, and I will flourish in this brand new environment. I don’t want to sit and wait for life to hand me an opportunity. I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I will work diligently to make my aspirations come to life.
May 22, 2010: A Rebuttal to a Moron Who Works at Wikipedia. Stop Using this Website as a Resource, Reference, or Informational Tool: It’s Awful and Backward
On January 29, 2010, I wrote an email to Wikipedia requesting that a profile be created for me. I received a response on May 12, 2010, that a profile is created for highly known public figures. I was not angry with their rejection. I accepted it.
However, I asked another question of Wikipedia: “Why does Wikipedia not have a category for social workers?” In response to my question, Oliver Keyes, who works for Wikipedia, wrote: “In reply to your query about social workers categories-I assume there aren’t that many notable ones.” Shocked, stunned, enraged, amazed, confused, and other emotional reactions arose after reading this response. People all over the world are using Wikipedia, and are not being informed of the great accomplishments of social workers in the United States of America and international community.
How could my profession be completely ignored and dismissed by a worker at Wikipedia? Might I remind the public that academics do not utilize Wikipedia as a reference tool. They frown upon it, and I do too. This reminds me of a blog that Dr. Frank Spinelli wrote on patients referencing WebMD. He didn’t bash it, but he discussed how annoying patients are when they visit his office with their WebMD “knowledge.” Doc: I understand. As an academic, I believe in using scholarly resources, such as books and periodicals. I like reading, yes, READING. Something we don’t do very often in a world filled with technology and stupid gadgets. I also like using my own mind to figure things out, and don’t run to the computer to spit out an answer.
The point of the story is to highlight the ignorance of Websites, such as Wikipedia. Social Workers have impacted this country tremendously, specifically helping individuals on the fringes of society. Ever heard of the settlement houses? This is where social work began. Women, who were on the fringes of society, were the people who managed these settlement houses, and helped bring the socially unaccepted and uneducated to the center—just where they belonged!
So, let me tell you something Oliver Keyes: Wikipedia is a horrible Website that lacks knowledge, and don’t dare compare it to academia. We academics don’t use Wikipedia for scholarly resources.
May 21, 2010: Soaking Up the Sun
When I arrived in Los Angeles on Saturday, May 15, it was cloudy and cold. The very next day, it was still mostly cloudy and cold. The next day after that was cloudy and cold. I was beginning to have doubts about relocating to this “sunny” city. After three shitty days the sun made an appearance: it was beaming strong and the sky was crystal clear. On that very morning Michael and I put a hold on an apartment in West Hollywood, and we were certain that we belonged here.
After 29 years of living in the City, I had enough of the ugly winters, the layers of clothing, and pale skin. Before I enrolled in college, I dreamed of relocating to LA to attend school, but my fears consumed me and that option came to close quickly. Even presently I have doubts on relocating, but why not take the plunge at my age. There is plenty to consider and attend to before the move is finalized, such as packing my stuff, making address changes, and saying goodbye to my friends and family. My family is not exactly happy about their Joey going 3000 miles away, but they respect my decision. My friends are happy for me, but they, too, are sad about me leaving. I feel loved and supported, which means a tremendous amount to me.
Our “last” day in New York City is June 8, and I intend on making the best of the time. I depart with an abundance of common sense, intellectual knowledge, and a great deal of personality. I thank New York City for giving me the opportunities it did, and I am able to carry these resources everywhere I go. The next step in life is to find a lifestyle in which I can make money doing what I love—using my mind to write, read, and research—and continue on this path forever. I will carve out my niche here in Los Angeles, and bring all my progressivism, liberal leftist-thinking, and my Brooklyn, New York Italian American personality, which is loud and passionate. I leave some of the neuroticism behind, and embrace calmness. I also bring my profound respect for education and openness to experience.
Ciao, New York City. I love you.
May 14, 2010: Journeying to Los Angeles
Tomorrow, Michael and I will depart from New York City, and travel to Los Angeles, California. It is nearly 10 years since I last visited sunny Los Angeles. While I was in college, a close friend from childhood lived in LA for a short period, and I went to see her. We had a fantastic time. We went to Hollywood, Santa Monica, Venice Beach, San Diego, Catalina Island, Downtown LA, among other places in California. In one week’s time, we saw a number of places, and we were terribly sunburned. Unlike New York City where you feel the heat beaming down on you from the sun, in LA you don’t realize your skin is roasting under the sun.
Finally, I will have the opportunity to show Michael around LA, and introduce him to the places that I visited during my college years. This time around something is different. I am older, have accumulated a lot objects, and my thinking has evolved. I am no longer that happy-go-lucky person that I was during my earlier 20s. That has dissipated. I am more obsessive-compulsive, constantly thinking about the decisions that I make in life. I am too goal oriented (could be linked my Capricorn sign). I want to be more relaxed, and I hope California will offer this to me. New Yorkers, like me, can be neurotic. We ask too many questions, keep too many mental files open, and worry about everything. That is what makes us unique and talented, but also leads to our downfall.
As a writer and thinker, I need peace and quiet, less fast pace, and better quality of life. Through writing, I have developed the ability to tell a story from point A to point Z. Writing a blog and a book have been excellent practice in developing this storytelling ability. All it takes is simple practice, but let us not forget that reading is an essential component in developing your written skills.
On the ignorant statement made by the Wikipedia worker: I am brain storming ideas, and will present a scathing review and rebuttal in the next blog.
May 12, 2010: The USDA Organic Label is Bullshit I have been duped. I read an informative article in the magazine, Mother Jones, which reveals that the USDA Organic Label is a hoax. All this time, I have been buying USDA organic foods and body care products; yet, they are not placed under the microscope. I demand an answer from the United States Drug Administration on why they are not doing proper checks and balances. Since its inception in 2002, the USDA Organic Division has not been properly funded to assess whether or not foods are organic. Food producers employ certifiers who hold them under a loose definition to qualify for USDA “organic” status. If I am going to pay an outrageous fee for these organic foods, then they better deliver high quality. Let me present concrete facts on how the foods are not truly organic. The Facts: Soil is not being tested for synthetic fertilizers and pesticides; USDA allows 245 nonorganic ingredients in the production of foods and livestock; More than 50 synthetics ingredients are used to produce organic foods; Bisphenol A (BPA), a horrible toxin, is used to store organic canned foods; and USDA does not regulate organic body care products, including cosmetics. Producers of “organic” foods, usually based in other countries, are cutting down vital rain forests to create these “organic” farms. Because the demand of organic foods in the United States is too much to handle at once, these producers pay someone to cut down land in another location, in order to create their “organic” farms. They do not convert their original farms because that would take too long, and they want to cash in on the present demand. Once I reach Los Angeles, I will be purchasing ONLY local foods from farmers’ markets. I don’t trust these supermarkets that carry foods from these big business food companies. They have too many skeletons in the closet. Reading the label is not enough. What you see is not what you get. Do the research to discover where your food comes from, and the process it undergoes (i.e., how it was produced). I will begin growing my own food by taking a baby step: first, it will be herbs. And for my next blog, I will be addressing an email exchange that I had with a worker at Wikipedia. See an excerpt from my following blog: In response to an email I wrote to Wikipedia about why there is no social worker category, Oliver Keyes writes:
"In reply to your query about social workers categories - I assume there aren't that many notable ones." Really. How dare you. Social Workers are disrespected and undervalued. How insulting. Oliver: get a freaking education on the lives of social workers. We work hard to help people. Don't devalue my profession and my colleagues. You haven't the slightest clue what you're talking about. Once again, this shows us that Websites, like Wikipedia, should not be used as a reference. Same as WebMD. Learn how to read a book or a periodical. Or, maybe you want to ask a professional, like myself.
May 9, 2010: Too Much Stress!!!
My head is barely above water. There is much to accomplish before I depart for Los Angeles: The City of Angels. Plus, the weather in New York City is not helping me to function. Damn allergy and sinus issues, I am suffering from watery eyes, congestion, headaches, fatigue, and cloudy thinking. Unfortunately, I use caffeine to semi-clear up these allergy and sinus issues, but the stimulation from the caffeine is temporary.
With the buildup of stress, I exercise more in order to release energy. A run on the treadmill usually does the trick. My emotions wander all over the place, sometimes I feel stable, and other days I feel blasé. I deal with these emotions, and I continue to push forward. I don’t want to complain, so I write or talk about it. Rarely do my coping mechanisms fail me.
Life is frustrating! Freud was absolutely correct when he wrote we are always in a state of flux. Is there a happy medium? Will life ever present itself with a perfect balance? There is an abundance of personalities—a lot of annoying ones—and we don’t come together peacefully. People are full of emptiness, anxiety, stress, depression, hyperactivity, among other problems. And most of them do not self-reflect to move past their inner emotions, and find a little happiness or closure.
We will always resort to our coping or defense mechanisms to get through the day. You can counter my point of view, but have you taken a look at the mirror and asked yourself: How do I cope?
Suffering exists for all of us. Deny it, avoid it, or acknowledge it. It will always be present. We should learn to discuss it, and work with it.
May 6, 2010: Sugar
Do you have a sugar addiction? Are you reading the labels on the food you purchase? What are the ingredients? Many of us are on the run, and have become addicted to sugar because we don’t question what we’re buying to eat. Most mass produced food contains some type of sugar derived from corn. Natural sugar, such as fruits and vegetables, is good for us, but refined sugar is deleterious.
I love frequenting gourmet, natural, or organic supermarkets to survey their foods. Today, I discovered a health foods market in Midtown Manhattan selling products with added cane juice and refined sugar. You can’t call yourself a health foods market if you sell this garbage. Sugar turns into fat, and it is the devil. (Sodium, trans fat, and cholesterol are terrible, too.) Since I have converted to a diet of no refined sugar, I have lost 15 pounds. I am at my ideal weight for more than a year, and it is all due to removing refined sugars from my diet. On the other hand, I have to be careful of high sodium because foods without sugar tend to have more salt for favoring.
Why can’t you lose weight? The answer is simple: nix refined sugar. I don’t care if the product is organic, you should not purchase it if sugar is added. I don’t purchase products with juice because juicing rids the fruit of all its fiber leaving it with just sugar. If you’re in the mood for sweets, eat a piece of fruit, which contains essential vitamins and minerals. While walking the streets of New York City, I notice many New Yorkers drinking alcohol, Jamba Juice, and sweetened coffee, and eating sweetened foods. Eradicate these demons from your diet! For one week go without refined sugar, and you will feel better physically and the cravings will disappear.
I read that no one should consume more than 40-45 grams of sugar a day. The average person in America is consuming three times this amount. Fight back against the food companies, and buy foods without the added sugar. Have self-control, make informed decisions, and be an educated consumer. Also, you can have complex carbohydrates, just as long as they do not contain added sugar. One last caveat: don’t buy anything with more than 9 grams of sugar per serving.
May 5, 2010: Powerful Italian American Women: Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, and Lady Gaga
I envy, respect, and admire powerful women, especially women of Italian descent, because they have overcome the hurdles of pervasive gender stereotypes. Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, and Lady Gaga are people that I commend on defying the perceptions we hold about women’s role in American life.
Since the working girl era commenced in the 80s (do you remember Melanie Griffith in the movie, Working Girl?), women have moved beyond the kitchen and home and into the work world. I am slightly mistaken in presuming that feminism started in the 80s because it was in the 60s that the hippies revolutionized America’s attitudes. From the 60s until presently, women have assumed roles in the sciences and mathematics, enrolled in universities, and become the bread winners in their respective homes.
Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, and Lady Gaga are not our average ladies, and they do not care to show their edgy sides. I love their masculine and feminine qualities, and their ability to embrace both sides of the fence. They teach us not to be afraid of the people we are, and to listen attentively to our inner voices. No more omerta (silence)! We will shake the baseline like Madonna sings. We will not listen to them like Cyndi Lauper says. And we will love and embrace the people we are like Lady Gaga says. Listen to them. Their words speak obvious truths that we need to be aware of on a consistent basis.
There is a great deal of work to be done on educating our women on their rights. We live in a society of paternalism, male misogyny and chauvinism. Men, particularly white men, rule us, and we continue to listen and obey. We talk so much nonsense about diversity and multiculturalism, acceptance, tolerance, etc., and yet we still have white men that rule. Each and every time you read about the business man who has cooked the books or performed an illegal activity, it is a white business man—not a woman, gay person, person of color, or ethnic person. I do not want the aforementioned folks to perform a horrendous act to be recognized, but I would like to see one of them as the top executive.
We are too patriarchy, provincial, and conservative as a society. America is not the land of great, especially when it restricts its people from being themselves.
May 1, 2010: A Busy Week: My Realization
What a busy week I had, which is why I didn’t write much. You know when you have those weeks when things pop up suddenly at work and home. Thankfully, the weekend is a bit more pleasant, and I will be able to enjoy the sunshine. Today, one of my closest friends is coming for a visit to meet Michael and me for lunch and gossip. I cherish the people in my life because they have been a support system when times were bad. Like Charles Dickens wrote in A Tale of Two Cites, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” This rings true with the way life has both its highs and lows, which occur simultaneously. Similarly, people operate daily with various moods, feeling both elevated and depressed. Of course, there are the more severe types of moods that disable people from functioning.
Currently, I reached a turning point. I am staying true to what I feel and think—and will follow the path that resounds in my mind: I wish to write, teach, and research. Each and every day that I take the NYC MTA train to work, I feel like my life is going to waste. I am bored with my job. It gives me no satisfaction. What I learned in the classroom is not being implemented into practice. Each day, I foster dependency with the clients instead of promoting self-sufficiency and independency. Nor does the staff discuss interventions and techniques that I have learned and taught in the classroom. Being clinically oriented does not exist. I ask: What is the reason for obtaining a Master of Social Work degree if I am not going to utilize it in the job setting? I push papers around most of the time, which includes doing assessments and treatment plans that I didn’t even create myself. Hence, what is the reason for the job that I am employed at? I am fulfilling contractual obligations that assist the agency in getting paid. How do social work agencies differ from big businesses? To me, they wear the same face in that they operate with the same politics and corporate-like structure.
Educating people, disseminating information, and bringing awareness to social injustices and corruption are all meaningful types of work. With my impending relocation to Los Angeles, California, I will be relentless in seeking these aforementioned types of work.
April 27, 2010: Our Earth: Don’t Kill It!
Each and every day our environment is suffering from individuals who are not environmentally friendly. In America, we see advertisements about being green, and I am sure many of us don’t even know what being green means. To me, being green has implications on the way I live, especially in the way I purchase items. I don’t buy anything unless I need it. Why do I refrain from purchasing extra stuff? Because buying more items causes more waste. And usually new items come wrapped in plastic, which is toxic for the environment, and made in a factory that uses toxic ingredients. Even if you purchase all natural products, such as organic products, they eventually cause waste. Therefore, rule one is to never buy something unless you need it.
Rule Two: Avoid purchasing products made in factories that are produced by chemists, highly processed, pollute the air and water, abuse animals and exploit workers, and use artificial or synthetic materials. These products are just ugly. To solve the dilemma, buy products that are organic, preserved in nontoxic containers, and plant derived. All you have to do is read the label.
Rule Three: Energy is wasted each and every day. We need to stop overusing cars, electronics and electric. Unplug everything in your house and plug it into a surge; plug in the surge only when you need to. Also, buy energy efficient products, which have the energy star on them. And if you drive, buy a hybrid car, or a car that uses diesel fuel. For light, use sunlight when you’re able to, but otherwise buy energy efficient lighting.
Rule Four: Water is depleting each day. We have the ability to cut down on water usage in numerous ways: soap up in the shower without the water running; lather hands with soap and then wash off; and use the dish washer (should be energy efficient) instead of washing dishes by hand. You can also purchase toilets, faucets, and shower heads that conserve water (they are lower pressure systems).
Rule Five: Recycling is the biggest way all of us can save Mother Earth. Recycle everything! Recycle all items you want to dispose of, and ensure that you recycle them properly because not all cities/towns recycle. Research places to bring the items to be recycled. Used electronics can be brought to an electronics store.
Rule Six: Repurpose or reuse items that have other functions, such as old clothes being used for cleaning. Paper should never be thrown out unless it is soiled or completely used. I tend to reuse the same paper many times, and I only purchase recycled paper.
Rule Seven: Food is the last way to save Mother Earth. You want to buy organic! When purchasing food that is nonorganic, you are indirectly supporting food companies that abuse animals, the earth, and workers. You need to read the labels, and understand the process in which food goes through before it ends up on the supermarket shelves.
The moral of the story: Don’t be a stupid consumer. Educate yourself on your purchases, and consider the effect on the environment. If we all continue to be hateful to Mother Earth, future generations will not be able to survive on it.
April 25, 2010: Good-Enough-Mother
While attending social work school, I read a great deal of literature on object relations theory. One of my favorite theorists is Donald Winnicott, who was known for “good-enough-mothering.” At first “good-enough-mothering” appeared commonsense in that a good enough mother nurtures her baby and ensures all the baby’s needs are met. But each baby is different in their personality and needs. You can feed, clothe, and bathe a baby, but what about other needs for babies with physical and psychological disorders?
Michael and I discuss our childhoods because we simply do not comprehend why our needs were not met by our mothers. In my case, my mother exhibited acute psychosis during my childhood; therefore, she had a difficult time caring for my needs. My maternal grandmother took on the responsibility and cared for me. Winnicott informs that the baby can receive “good-enough-mothering” from others, including a guardian, a father, or other individuals. I beg to differ with this point because even to this day, I have not overcome the hardship of a nonexistent mother. I still fantasize having a mother involved in my life, knowing all about my interests, education, and partner. It really hurts emotionally that she is unavailable to me.
During childhood, there was a role reversal in that I was the parent and my mother was the child. I cooked for her, cleaned our apartment, paid the bills with her, and entertained her. When I departed for college, my mother had difficulty with being self-sufficient, and instead, she continued to rely on my maternal grandmother and brother. I have accepted her mental illness as a reason for being unaware of my life, but the tragedy of not having “good-enough-mothering” remains. Having a mother who provides for, and loves her baby/child unconditionally, helps the child to grow, survive, and embrace his/her identity.
April 22, 2010: I’m Too Honest
For those of you who know me personally, you know that I have a BIG MOUTH. I love to speak my mind, and I tend to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. Some may call me a whistle blower. Some may call me obnoxious. Some may call me honest. And some may call me cynical. However, what I perceive as true is not the case for others—and my truth can be verbally hurtful. I don’t intentionally verbalize feelings of disdain to offend people; it’s just my way of releasing bad energy.
Recently, there was an incident in which I spoke harshly about my friend’s profession. I tried to redeem myself by saying, “Oh, you’re an exception.” What the hell was I thinking? Stupid me. I was embarrassed that I hurt a close friend, and was unable to hold my tongue. Alternatively, I could have reframed the thought in order to make it not sting.
I take full responsibility for this bad trait, and always I fall back on it when ugly feelings are brewing inside of me. Psychologically, I developed this trait from defending myself from my critical family and Italian American community. And being a gay man, this big mouth only strengthened with time because I needed a method to defend myself from the homophobes. You gays know what I am talking about.
This bad trait also stems from being a perfectionist and an idealist. I don’t normally bit my tongue when observing or experiencing injustice, disorganization, prejudice, poor effort, and laziness. I cannot accept mediocrity. And when I notice lack of effort, oh boy, be careful for my contemptuous words.
Speaking malicious words is not exactly the way to win friends and influence people. These days, I take a breathier, think again, and I reframe my original sentence. It’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it. I rather have people who can respect my words, and think of me as considerate, thoughtful, and empathetic. My words are from the heart. I look out for others around me, but it’s not always verbally expressed in a kind way. This is not an excuse, but I’m Italian, forgive me.
April 21, 2010: Who Are Your Friends?
Do you ever ask yourself: “Who are my friends?” It’s a silly question, but it has a lot relevance in your life. Your friends demonstrate the different qualities that you possess. I have been contemplating on whom I consider a friend. I have discovered that my friends possess the following traits: negative thinking, overly sensitive, un-thoughtful, one-sided, selfish, and narrow-minded. Why have I surrounded myself around people who possess completely opposite characteristics? For years I have cleaned house by detoxifying from a number of people who have only brought my spirits down.
Once again, I am in spring cleaning mode, and I am ready to eradicate toxic people. The hardest part of the process is not the cleansing, but learning from the experience. I naturally re-create the same relationships with new people after some time has elapsed from the last cleansing. I fantasize that the new people carry traits that are in tuned with mine. I speculate that these people resemble my family members. Raised in a family of turmoil, dysfunction, fatalistic thinking, and feelings of sadness, has affected my adult relationships. Yes, it is my fault for not scrutinizing and monitoring the people I allow into my existence.
Being a friend is a title that I place on a pedestal. Giving anyone access to your life is not exactly the brightest idea. Be diligent, monitor, scrutinize, and learn from my mistakes. You want people who lift your spirits, compliment your personality, and bring out your best qualities. Michael, who is my partner and best friend, has helped me to manifest my greatest talents and qualities.
April 19, 2010: A Culture of Dependency
What is a culture of dependency? People are constantly over-using the word dependency, and they don’t have the slightest clue of its definition. According to Dictionary.com, dependent means: “A person who relies on someone else for financial support. The taxpayer supporting the dependent is allowed to claim dependency exemptions.”
In New York City and State, we have raised a population to believe that dependency is a part of normal development. Individuals who survive on our tax dollars, including all financial entitlements, are dependent on us working folks. On this subject, I tend to be conservative because I disagree with tax dollars being spent on people who are allowed to stay home and do nothing. Of course, exceptions exist for those people who are mentally or physically impaired and unable to work; they should be able to collect monies to survive.
But what about the individuals who sit in their apartments and waste our tax dollars on their gluttonous lives? How do we create a system of checks and balances to correct the aforementioned problem? Is our American government doing enough to redress this issue? Is New York State and City doing enough to redress this issue? To respond to both questions: No, they are literally sitting on the problem, and they don’t have an answer on how to move people from dependency to independence. The public listens to rhetoric from the politicians.
Here is the solution that I propose: the government (federal, state, and local) hire licensed professionals (medical and psychological) to assess whether or not individuals qualify for financial entitlements. Currently, we have the Welfare-to-Work program in place, which was created in 1996 by former President Bill Clinton. However, these programs are doing a poor job of mediating the Welfare problem. The Welfare rolls have decreased, but the numbers do not accurately reflect the truth, including: those people who will return to the rolls; those people who will be approved; and those people who will be approved for another financial entitlement.
Be aware that those numbers you are being fed are inaccurate. Your tax dollars continue to be funneled into Welfare and other financial entitlements. Is this fair? I think not.
April 15, 2010: The Aging Process
We all age. It is a natural process that we all experience, but we are experiencing it at a much faster rate than decades ago. Why? Many factors contribute to the aging process including: health; happiness; psychological and emotional state; career; exercise; diet; sexual activity; sleep; education/learning; stress; socialization; environment; and mental activity. As we reach the middle of life, we notice that our bodies are not robust and able to repair themselves. Personally, whenever I injure myself, my body needs more time to recover than in childhood.
But this blog is not about me. It is about people who are not cognizant of what causes them to age rapidly. Of the factors aforementioned, the most important are happiness, exercise, diet, sleep, and mental activities.
Happiness may include how one’s feels about the career he/she has chosen, the type of relationships he/she has, and the affection and attachment he/she has with others. Happiness is a broad category that we all define differently. Generally, Americans define it by describing their environment, culture, and interests.
Exercise is always falling to the wayside, but it needs to become one of your first priorities. Incorporate exercise into your life, daily, by walking, taking the stairs, standing up, or going to a gym (and actually using the machines).
Diet can be a tricky subject since it requires reading labels and knowing what is healthful. I always say, stay away from refined sugar and overly processed foods, and eat whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and nuts. Also, add a multi vitamin and multi mineral to your diet. However, I caution you to take the recommended doses of vitamins and minerals because over-consumption can lead to poisoning of the body. You will need to consult with a nutritionist for the recommended dosages.
Getting sleep should be commonsense, but we live on caffeine and have tons of stress and anxiety from our jobs, so our sleep gets interrupted. My advice: before going to sleep, distress by clearing your mind. I clean out all of my thoughts by writing in a journal, or talking to Michael.
Mental activities include reading, writing, and thinking; they help to rejuvenate the cells. Never stop challenging your mind!!!
Although our lives are filled with a great deal of stress, we have the power to control factors that age us.
April 14, 2010: The Tenure Process
The tenure process for professors has changed at several academic institutions throughout the United States. In the past, tenure was based on the professor’s ability to publish scholarly articles and books. Scholarly publications are important, but the university has added a secret caveat: don’t forget to give all your students “A” grades. This is never discussed with the public, students, or administrators. Colleagues of mine in the teaching profession informed me that if they fail or give a low grade to a student, their tenure is on the line. Universities also threaten untenured professors by giving them more committee and administrative responsibilities; the university tells them that this makes them deserving candidates for tenure. Some universities have added more years to the tenure process, which is another scheme to enslave the professor. This is unfair, especially when the university has granted tenure to older professors who did not have to fulfill the same requirements.
Universities give all these excuses as to why the requirements and time commitment have changed for tenure. I have heard that once a professor earns tenure, he/she becomes uncommitted, lazy, relaxed in their publications, and amotivated. In my opinion, professors work damn work: they teach, write, research, grade, create curriculum, among other scholarly activities and duties. Some of them don’t sleep, and many of them live on caffeine. This is an unhealthy lifestyle. The quality of their work and lives suffer because of their heavy workloads.
Several universities have disempowered their faculty members by creating more rules and regulations. Faculty members are not treated like intelligent figures with important decision-making power. Don’t you think they deserve more credit, respect, and authority? For god sakes, they earned a doctorate!
As for public school teachers, their tenure has been tossed around administrators’ meetings for decades. The New York City Department of Education attempted to remove tenure from the United Federation of Teachers’ (UFT) contract. The UFT is a strong union that advocates for its teachers and refuses to negotiate on tenure. And the UFT will not predicate tenure on students’ performances on standardized exams. In comparison, teachers have similar duties to professors because they also grade, create curriculum, research, and write, and need certain educational credentials to teach. Similarly, they deserve the same respect, authority, and decision-making power.
How do you expect teachers to resolve the social and emotional issues that students present with these days? They are not social workers or school psychologists, and they should not be responsible to take on these duties. These schools are fully aware of the problems their students present with, and still they only employ 1 social worker and 1 school psychologist.
Teachers are mistreated by their principals and assistant principals, normally receiving an “unsatisfactory” rating on their annual evaluations. These ratings lead to termination if a teacher has not received tenure. How unfair!
Sadly, professors and public school teachers are not looked upon as respectable figures in American society. I guess if you’re not Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, you don’t matter.
April 13, 2010: The American Education System
[Do] our schools suck? This is the title of a book that was co edited by a friend of mine (visit the Website: http://ourschoolssuck.org/). Yes, they do suck, but the questions that need to be asked: (1) Why do our schools suck? and (2) What does sucking mean? Saying that something sucks is vague, and we all have our own definitions of this word. Here is how I define sucking: not meeting expectations, being lousy or stupid, or not feeling positive. In applying my definition, we recognize that our schools have lowered its expectations. Our universities have turned into major corporations, and the students have been converted into consumers. By creating a consumer environment, the universities are downgrading its expectations (Republicans and Conservatives would disagree, but who cares about their opinions); thus, this permits students to earn degrees of lesser academic value. (analogously, in the social work profession, we have converted our clients/patients into consumers)
In addition to the university becoming a business in its treatment of students and employees, the relationship has ultimately changed as well. Students are treated by the university like children, and the university acts like their parents. Why is this happening? (Don’t give me an answer, it’s a rhetorical statement).
In my undergraduate days at Columbia University, my professors were austere, and they held the students to high academic standards. All the skills that I possessed were torn to shreds, including my communicative and analytical skills. In this rigorous academic environment, I was required to study for hours—well into the night, and sometimes having to pull an all-nighter. Though I do not agree with Columbia’s exaggerated academic expectations, it certainly forced me to raise the bar on my abilities.
Please, do not think that I am unsympathetic to the problems that students contend with, daily. Actually, I was a troubled student in my undergraduate days, and I was constantly struggling (at least for the first two years). After two years of enduring severe criticisms of my academic work, I rearranged my schedule, and began studying in the library for many hours per day. I had no life, really, none. I was inducted into the philosopher’s kingdom.
The low standards of our schools are not the fault of the students or faculty. The executives of these universities are at fault for lowering the standards of its students and academic curriculum. Yes, I said what we all know, and we should not be afraid to whistle blow the truth.
April 9, 2010: My Mother’s Mental Illness
I don’t discuss my mother’s mental illness because it makes me very emotional. During my childhood, my mother had several episodes in which she responded to her hallucinations, spoke endlessly on people stealing her clothes, and dressed inappropriately. I didn’t understand what my mother was exhibiting, and my maternal grandmother didn’t know how to explain it. My maternal grandmother was embarrassed by the illness, so she avoided answering questions.
My knowledge of the mental health system developed from school, from living with someone with a mental illness, and from professional training. In my opinion, clinicians remain ignorant to the problems that people with mental illness face; and they do not view these individuals from a holistic perspective. Sadly, clinicians use politically incorrect terms/labels, and they stereotype their clients. People with mental illness are referred to as violent, dangerous, homicidal, and stupid. The media and public are also guilty of mistreating individuals with mental illness by using derogative labels and/or negative stereotypes.
Derogative Label/Term Correct Label/Term Crazy Person with mental illness Drug Addict Person with substance abuse Mentally Ill Chemically Addicted (MICA) Dually diagnosed Manic-Depressive Bipolar disorder
Mental health professionals, the Welfare System, the community, and even my own family, treated my mother like an infant incapable of handing herself. My mother is a wise person, and I will never forget the affection she showed me.
April 8, 2010: The Publication of My Blogs; Commentary on Busyness
To celebrate my one year anniversary of writing a blog, I will be publishing all of my blogs in a book in August 2010. I will be adding an introduction, and I will title each blog. I will begin contacting bookstores to arrange a reading of it.
Since I am on the topic of readings, I fantasize on doing a reading with the progressive Barbara Ehrenreich. I am reading another book of hers, The Worst Years of Our Lives: Irreverent Notes from a Decade of Greed. Guess who is on the cover? Ronald and Nancy Reagan. These two idiots managed to ruin our country.
I just finished reading the chapter, “The Cult of Busyness,” which was humorous and interesting. Barbara recalls a phone call with a friend of hers who was overwhelmed with her “busy” life. Barbara compares her to the many “busy” people who are too wrapped up in nonsense affairs and too distracted. I am paraphrasing her, but she reports that talented people don’t get preoccupied by minutia. Real talent takes time, which speaks to the saying, patience is a virtue. We easily confuse busyness and creativity in this country.
Barbara wrote “The Cult of Busyness” in 1985; it’s 25 years later, yet this busyness has spun out of control. In my opinion, with the rise of technology, the problem of “busyness” has exacerbated exponentially. People are abusing technology and excusing themselves from living because they have pressing matters to deal with on their Blackberries or computers. Seriously? Give me a break.
You want talent? Stop and think, don’t act, and think more. Be patient. Clear your mind. Unravel your thoughts, and don’t get consumed with all the nonsense of life.
To Barbara: If you’re reading this, I hope to meet you. We have a great deal in common. I wish to emulate you and become a person who is a commentator on America’s views, values, morals, positions, and issues.
April 7, 2010: No One Speaks In Full Sentences Anymore!
I am not a grammarian, but seriously, can anyone in New York City speak in comprehensible sentences? I cannot tolerate one speaking in bullet points, because I don’t speak in PowerPoint language. Why is the quality of speech being ignored by so many of us? I realize that the business cog has control of us, but we need to fight back. We need to return to the time when people actually spoke clearly and comprehensively. I don’t want to decipher your PowerPoint language. Think first, then speak. The same rule applies to writing. Rushing to write your sentences only creates disorganization, and poor execution of thoughts and ideas.
Far worse than the bullet point language is the lack of vocabulary. Vocabulary has never been a strong area of mine, but I work at it everyday. I read, write, and use the dictionary. Try this exercise.
April 6, 2010: Memory Lane: The Transitional Object
Yesterday, I was reading Dr. Frank Spinelli’s blog (http://spinellimd.wordpress.com/), and he gave me an idea to write on a childhood memory. Many of us, like Frank, collected toys of some sort, which we still have memories of. Object relations theorists call these toys, transitional objects. Normally, during childhood many of us make a connection to a transitional object, which brings us comfort and joy, and helps us with development.
The transitional object that is prominent in my memory is the Barbie Doll. As a child, my sister owned a collection of Barbie Dolls, which we played with together. We bathed, dressed, and created dialogue for them. It was not considered masculine of me to be playing with Barbie Dolls with my sister—but who cares! I enjoyed it, and so did my sister. It was our time to be creative, imaginative, and social.
My sister recalled this memory when I spoke with her about it. She has a difficult time recalling memories from our childhood because it was plagued with sadness and tragedy. No one will ever be able to take this memory away from us; it will remain forever encoded in both of our minds.
For the parents: Allow your little boys and girls to just be. Don’t control their play with “feminine” or “masculine” objects, such as Barbie Dolls or trucks. I am a gay man, but the Barbie Dolls didn’t make that happen.
For the rest of my readers: I am fascinated to know your transitional object. Write me what your transitional object is, why, and the memory associated with it. You can email me your response: Joseph@JosephLoGiudice.com. If you’re connected with me through Facebook, you can email your response to my Facebook account. Once I compile all the responses, probably within a week’s time, I will write a blog on what people reported to me.
April 5, 2010: My Stab at Poetry
Against All Odds
Don’t stop Don’t cry It’s another Monday It’s another reminder You hate your life You hate your job Why is it so difficult? Why can’t I just be? Because the government tells me so Because I am a prisoner in chains Who knows what is next? Who can predict the future? Yes, I hate what exists in front of me Yes, I want all the hate to end Can I overcome this existence? Or, will I drown in it? Why can’t I just be?
I Am Not Alone
When I feel alone my thoughts speak louder than words I am debilitated I am disabled My creativity leaves me and uncertainty overpowers me But my lover—he never lets me give up and he is my reminder that there is a reason to exist Not to give up Not to wither Not to hide Not to die I dust myself off I stop the tears because love from my lover is the reason I am alive.
Writing poetry is an excellent way to express yourself. As you can see from my poems, my feelings of melancholia are perennial. Don’t ask me why I am gloomy, this is just me. I am doing something with these feelings—I am putting them into words. Try writing a poem, and releasing some inner energy.
April 1, 2010: In Response to the Statement Put Forth by the National Association of Social Workers (NASW) of Uganda on Uganda’s Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009
ANGRY, ENRAGED, AND COMPLETELY BAFFLED over the statement delivered by the NASW of Uganda on the Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009. For the full statement, please visit this Website: http://www.naswu.org/naswu_homo_statetement.php. For the purpose of this blog, I will write a curtailed and scathing response to their statement, refuting its facts herein:
1. Comparing homosexuals to pedophiles: We are not pedophiles, you sick, distorted fucks. We are people, too, just like you, and we seek happiness in our lives. This means the ability to live as we please, be it in a same-sex relationship, or single, or whatever; 2. We are not a sickness, an illness, or a disease. We are people, just like you, you sick, distorted fucks. Once again, we were born homosexual, whether you like it or not. Call it “unnatural,” “abnormal,” or “dysfunctional”; it does not mean we will stop being homosexual. Behavior therapy will not cure us because we are not a disease to be cured. Mind your own fucking business already. We Westerners are not tainted by majority thinking, and we realize that people, like animals, have basic needs. These needs, especially sexual, will never cease to exist; 3. As social workers, you all should be ashamed and embarrassed to issue such a discriminatory statement toward people who are GAY. Real social workers do not subscribe to this type of hate; 4. If you want to site scientific evidence, then please do not use Wikipedia. You dumb fucks need a lesson in social science research; 5. Who is to say what is proper and natural? Certainly, your chaotic country has no right to inform my people of what is the “right” way; and 6. We are not a cult trying to persuade little boys and girls to join the gay population. They make their own decisions about their sexual orientation. Once again, your “facts” are misleading and downright incorrect.
We will remain GAY and PRIDE, and we gays will not allow you Social Workers of Uganda to criminalize us, discriminate against us, and compare us to pedophiles. FUCK YOU once and for all you misguided pieces of shit.
March 29, 2010: No More Winters
I hate the winter, and it never seems to end. Some people enjoy the cold weather, but I only seem to grow more hateful with each passing winter season. Michael is also a long time sufferer of allergy and sinus issues, and whenever the seasons change, he is debilitated by his severe allergy and sinus problems. California is calling our names, and we are responding to the call. Like Scott Nevins said in his interview with The Advocate Magazine, the winters become harder to bare. I could not agree more. Therefore, Michael and I are in the process of relocating to sunny Los Angeles. I am beginning to get butterflies in my stomach from the thought of having year-round sunshine and summer weather. Can you imagine enjoying warm weather all year round? The thought seems almost like a delusion for a native New Yorker, like myself.
Of course transitions are not easy, but I doubt this one will be terribly overwhelming. Los Angeles is a place that I have dreamed of moving to for a very long time. For many years, I convinced myself that “I will get through the winter, and it will be fine”—that is not the MO that I want to live by. My MO is to live within an environment that suits who you are from the inside and out. I always dreamed of sipping coffee on my balcony throughout the whole year. I enjoy nature and all of its complexities.
Wish Michael and I luck on our adventure to Los Angeles.
March 25, 2010: Dropping the F Bomb
Who the fuck cares that Joe Biden, Vice President of the United States of America, used the explicit “fuck” word? I certainly don’t care—and the rest of America should not care either. Why does this shit make the news? Are we that utterly provincial to think politicians do not use vulgarities when angry, upset, or emotional? Cannot we discuss more importance occurrences and problems in this country? The media thinks we’re a bunch of raging idiots, who are disinterested in substantive matters, such as world hunger, poverty, homelessness, education, mental and physical health, discrimination, and genocide. I just listed 7 topics of significance that the news could place on the front covers of their newspapers; yet, it relies on these menial, pathetic subjects to elicit the attention of the public.
What is more relevant to dissect is health care reform. I have given up on the fantasy that socialized medicine will ever exist in this country. The passage of health care reform is pretty meaningless because it does not help those Americans who are suffering from the woes of horrible economic conditions. We have Americans who cannot afford health insurance, and we refuse to provide them with this basic necessity. We have Americans who have health insurance, but these major businesses—health insurance companies—create these regulations that force the patient to pay for everything. And did you know that these huge businesses don't even cover preventive care? Pretty fucking stupid, isn’t it? Co-pays and premiums continue to rise, and our salaries continue to dwindle. We pay for everything in America, including air.
I say, let’s only levy taxes on the privileged in the US. The few have too much, and the majority is begging and enslaved to the rich. A fantastic writer, Barbara Ehrenreich writes on this very issue. Read her book, Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America, and it will be an eye-opening experience.
March 23, 2010: “Don’t Be Jealous of My Boogie” ~~RuPaul
Have you been watching RuPaul’s Drag Race on LOGO Television? This is the second season of the show, and so far, it has been extremely entertaining. I love RuPaul, the judges (not a huge fan of Santino), the guest judges, and the girls. Each week, the show only gets more and more exciting to watch. Compared to last season, this season has more gossip and some fierce bitches! I love hearing the girls’ stories and their views and experiences on becoming a drag queen superstar. The stories really break my heart, but they also inspire me. Most of us gay men will never forget the pain of growing up gay in a predominantly heterosexual world. And we will also never forget the pain of being discriminated against.
RuPaul is well-spoken, professional, and fabulous. She knows how to use language in such an effortless way, and I fancy her. The girls also demonstrate a great deal of knowledge in beauty, design, and fashion. Such creativity should be expected of all of us Americans. Michael and I would love to try drag one day—maybe on Halloween. Last Halloween, I wanted to go out as a swimmer, but I am shy. We’ll see what this Halloween has to bring: maybe drag or maybe a Speedo.
To the fabulous ladies on RuPaul’s Drag Race: Keep doing your thang! Don’t ever let anyone intimidate you, and keep on being yourselves.
March 19, 2010: A Misnomer: The Real Housewives of New York City
One of my guilty pleasures is watching The Real Housewives of New York City on Bravo television. Every week, Michael and I snuggle on our lovely IKEA sofa-bed to then be entertained by a bunch of faux socialites. I don’t mean to criticize them, but I certainly agree with Joy Behar’s quote that they are not housewives (and I love you Joy for your wit and New York City attitude).
Besides my gripe with them for not being real housewives, they also represent New York City poorly. All of them are controlled by money, status, and class. Yet, they seem to lack all three. I think they are a hoax!
Last night, Kelly, who is one of the more insane “housewives,” made a comment that PETA does not care if people wear fur—(wait there is more)—and that PETA only cares if animals are tortured. What!!! Where did you get your facts from: convenient theories for you? (a line I picked up from the character, Miranda, in Sex and the City). Honestly, Kelly, you’re a f-in idiot. PETA does not condone any person wearing fur or animal skin of any kind. And the fur you’re wearing was skinned from either a live animal or an animal tortured to death before it was skinned. Wearing animal fur or skin, in my eyes, is disgusting; and adorning yourself with it is not fabulous, exotic, or classy.
Kelly: You remind me of Sarah Palin, but an even dumber version of her. I didn’t think that was possible.
These “housewives” demonstrate unadulterated ignorance in its most despicable state.
I gave this advice in a prior blog: Think before you speak, and ensure your facts are correct before making the actual statement.
March 16, 2010: The Bane of My Existence: Money
You ever feel that money controls your life? I do. If I were rich, I would write all day and all night. People who are raised in wealthy homes do not face the same hardships as working people. Most of us are living with lots of debt and are under the false impression of “middle class” status.
I don’t want to make excuses that money is the be all, end all. But hey, let’s talk the truth: lacking money makes it much harder to achieve one’s dreams. Imagine if you had a decent amount of money to live, and you could focus on pursuing your dreams. Like John Lennon sang, “Imagine.” Although I am jealous of rich people, I do not blame them for their wealth. I will continue to move forward with my writing career. I will always have something to say (yes, I am opinionated), and it will always be with conviction.
March 15, 2010: Cell Phone Companies
I am an AT&T customer, and I hate its service. Even though it’s a 3G network, my phone calls are always being disconnected, or there is interference and static. All these disruptions prevent clear communication.
Besides AT&T’s poor service, I learned that it is a huge financial contributor of the Conservative and Republican parties. AT&T has given the maximum financial contribution to the Bush-Cheney and John McCain’s presidential campaigns. And AT&T is not the only wireless company guilty of giving these kinds of contributions; Verizon gives to right-wing organizations and politicians.
If you’re a customer of AT&T or Verizon wireless, you have the option to select another wireless provider, CREDO Mobile. CREDO Mobile will even pay off your current wireless contract. CREDO Mobile, unlike Verizon and AT&T, supports progressive groups and organizations, including: ACLU, Center for Responsible Lending, Change Congress, Defenders of Wildlife, Democracy NOW!, Doctors without Borders, Energy Action Coalition, Education Network, and the list goes on.
Cancel your wireless provider and join CREDO Mobile. Call: 800-605-7205. Stop indirectly promoting companies that do not care about the people, animals, environment, and future of America.
March 13, 2010: Discrimination of Any Type is Unacceptable!!!
Did you attend your high school prom? I did. It was eleven years ago that I was dressed in my tux and platform shoes, going to my high school prom with ten of my peers. We had a fantastic time. At the time, I was dating a guy who was four years older than I, and we were at the verge of breaking up. Therefore, I decided not to invite him. If I invited him, I doubt my peers and teachers would have reacted negatively to it. Throughout high school, everyone knew I had a boyfriend, and they didn’t care. Actually, they thought it was hip.
Let me cut right to the chase. A female student invited her girlfriend to her high school prom. The northern Mississippi school she attends didn’t permit students to bring same-sex dates to the prom, especially dates who are dressed in non-gender conforming apparel. The school’s reaction: they cancelled the prom. The school felt strongly about upholding its view against homosexuality.
Why are states, such as Mississippi, able to act as independent entities? Should not all of the United States of America adhere to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights? Do people not have the right to freely express themselves? As a social worker, it is my duty to address social injustices because my profession advocates for the inclusion of all people regardless of their race, sex, disability, sexual orientation, creed, and ethnicity. Discrimination of any type is unacceptable.
The American public needs to open its mind more, and stop judging others. I am sick and tired of these ridiculous and stupid states that do not allow people, especially youth, the right to be themselves. You know what I say, fuck ‘em.
March 11, 2010: Being a Professional
Upon graduating from high school, I entered Columbia University to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree. At the time, I was motivated to major in mathematics, but that changed to psychology in my junior year. I had changed majors approximately 10 times before deciding on psychology. To this very day, I love the study and practice of psychology.
After graduating from college, I was offered a position at a social service agency. I never heard of, or studied, social work during my undergraduate years. Not one professor in the psychology department broached the subject of social work or social services. They were stuck in their theoretical worlds, studying psychological phenomena rather than finding realistic ways to address psychological issues. I spent two years working as a case manager at a social service agency; this experience taught me that social workers conduct the same clinical work as clinical psychologists. Therefore, I entered a social work program to earn a Master of Social Work degree, focusing on clinical practice.
Fast forwarding to the present, I contemplate the meaning of my profession and other professions. Do these professions provide satisfaction? Are professionals doing the work they were educated and trained to do? Are professionals empowered in their respective positions?
For the first time in my life, I feel respected as a professional, satisfied with my job, and capable of implementing my training and education into practice. In prior experiences, I was treated as an inferior professional among other professionals. Sadly, even the social work administrators treated me as an inferior professional. If you are treated with contempt by your employer, look for another job. You have options, and don’t give up hope of finding a job that suits your needs. Like they say in developmental psychology, a goodness-to-fit is optimal for development.
March 9, 2010 After several months of cold weather, finally the Northeast coast is warming up. Michael and I have discussed relocating to the West coast because we enjoy warm weather. I love New York City, but like Scott Nevins said in his interview with the Advocate: it’s hard to brave the winter.
I have been philosophizing on my life, again. Yesterday, I met with my therapist, and we discovered that I have an underlying depression. I mask the depression through the manifestation of anxious habits and thoughts; they help me to forget my true feelings. I believe my American life is both worthless and mundane. Madonna alludes to this in her song, “American Life.”
The part of life that I find most depressing and meaningless is the ridiculous norms that were not created by the American people. Who created these lives filled with stress, anxiety, and work? Why must we conform to governmental regulations? (Maybe I am being too radical) I have always been a nonconformist, a bona fide maverick (not like the one Sarah Palin talks about), who uses my mind to analyze. The most significant and meaningful part of life is engaging with people on an existential level. People around me have an invisible wall, and they are unwilling to expose themselves. Why are they scared to just be themselves? To live and let live is my motto.
Recently, my best friend sent me an email detailing a psychology experiment. The experimenters requested a famous musician perform in a train station in order to gain the attention of travelers. Unfortunately, almost no one (approximately 3 people) stopped to listen and acknowledge his great talent. The travelers continued to pass by the musician while he played on, and they did not make eye contact. This experiment heightened my awareness of recognizing others who are artists, musicians, and singers who play/sing/draw/paint/entertain in the NYC train stations. And honestly, almost 90 percent of the time, I attend to and process the phenomena in front of me.
Take a moment to look around you. Consider the individuals whom you encounter, and explore their experiences, admire their abilities, and allow them to inspire you.
March 6, 2010: We Are Working Too Much!
During my daily commute to work, I observe New Yorkers on the train, and analyze their lives. Why do many of them look exhausted (i.e., bloodshot eyes)? Why do many of them look disheveled (i.e., clothes are messy and un-ironed, hair un-combed)? Why do their clothes not fit them? Why do they look miserable (i.e., sour faces)? I feel sad for my fellow New Yorkers because they are working too hard for the business cog. They do not have enough personal time. They do not have enough time to buy, prepare and cook healthy foods. They do not have enough time to exercise. They do not have enough time to have sex. They do not have enough time to read, write, and see their friends. They do not have enough time to sleep. They do not have enough time to get ready in the morning before they leave for work. They do not have enough time to breathe.
In my opinion, although I enjoy the grind of New York City, sometimes it just gets on your nerves. Why is our culture counterintuitive with human nature? The Europeans enjoy a much better quality of life, and they do not suffer from the same ills and woes we do in America. It is no surprise that studies reveal that being overworked is related to mental health and physical issues. Do you know our workloads in America have increased exponentially over the last 5 decades? Even if you love your job, you should not be there for 50-70 hours per week. That is crazy! I believe the German lifestyle is ideal because one works less, produces better quality work, and has four months to vacation.
During the summer of 2003, I was in Spain for three months, studying and vacationing, and it was the best time of my life. Maybe one day I can return to Europe and actually live.
March 5, 2010: A Reason to Create a LGBTQ Support Group
I am creating a support group for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ) clients at my job. Many of you already know that I am a huge advocate of the LGBTQ population because of my personal experiences with homophobia. Reflecting on my childhood experiences, I remember being verbally abused by my peers. Ironically, just yesterday I narrated a story to my close friend on a time that I remember vividly. While attending grammar school, I had an encounter with another suspected gay boy in my class. All my peers observed this encounter, which was not sexual, and they verbally attacked me in the classroom. I felt rejected and powerless. The teacher did nothing about it. While the students called me all horrible names, she gossiped in the hallway. I was traumatized. How I wish I could turn back the hands of time. Thank goodness, my sister, grandmother, mother, and close friends helped me to get through this time in my life.
Many questions still linger on: What if these people were not present in my life? What if I were weak? And when we do endure this kind of abuse, what is the outcome on our mental and emotional states? From being abused as a child, I carry a great deal of anger from that time. Although my lovely Lady Gaga promotes love, sometimes the feeling of hate is so strong that it remains throughout one’s lifetime. I am using my hate to help other LGBTQ people—hence, the creation of a support group. I hope that the LGBTQ clients will gain coping skills, overcome internalized homophobia, empower themselves, learn that support is available, and to love and embrace themselves. In this way, I am like Gaga in that I promote loving oneself completely.
For years, I never told anyone about my experience in the fourth grade. Now you know, and I will reveal more in my essay, “Who I Am: A Gay Italian American Man,” which is included in the book, Our Naked Lives: Stories from Gay Italian American Men.
March 2, 2010
I am beginning to feel like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City because I am sitting in a Starbucks and writing. For today’s blog, I am discussing an article that I read in a writer’s magazine. The article elaborated on famous writers, artists, and musicians who suffer from depression and madness. The question that is always activated for me when considering the aforementioned roles: Does one have to be insane and/or depressed to create genius work? At times, I consider myself a part of this group because of my endless battle with anxiety and depression. There are days when I have great difficulty managing my anxiety, leaving me scattered and disorganized; and there are other days when I am depressed, and minute tasks are insurmountable.
Can people suffer from two dichotomous moods? Historically, famous writers have been known to experience oscillations in their moods. And to be a great writer, must he/she experience profound feelings to create and innovate?
To be unable to experience life on a profound level may prohibit the development of thinking. Life is not as positive, enlightening, and optimistic as we American people want to believe. We are raised under the assumption that once we reach our goals, life will be happy go lucky. Such nonsense. If this were the case, many Hollywood celebrities would not endure bouts of depression, anxiety, prolonged periods of unhappiness, and discontentment.
If you’re looking for success, stop looking, and start doing self-exploration. This is the only way to understand your reason for living. While on your spiritual journey, do not deny what you find in the inner realm of your mind and heart.
Through suffering from prolonged periods of unhappiness I learned about my life’s purpose.
February 28, 2010: An Italian American Tradition
Every Sunday, Michael and I make pasta and sauce, a tradition we learned from our Italian American homes. Our sauce consists of basil, Italian seasonings, onion, garlic, crushed tomatoes, red pepper, Italian olive oil, and sea salt. We mix all the ingredients together in a pot, and let it sit on the stove under a low flame for an hour and a half. After the sauce has finished cooking, it usually bubbles up, and we shut off the stove; and then it sits for an hour in order to thicken. Afterwards, we boil a pot of water, and throw in our pasta. Michael and I like our pasta al dente, which means firmly cooked, but not hard. Normally, pasta takes approximately 10-12 minutes to cook, in order to get it al dente. I am not a fan of pasta that is too hard or too soft. The last step is making a hearty plate filled with pasta and topped with yummy sauce.
I remember a friend asking Michael and me what we were doing on our Sunday afternoon, and we said, “cooking pasta and sauce.” He responded: “you certainly are Italian.” I had forgotten that this tradition of ours is Italian American.
Each and every Sunday, I awaken to the excitement of making our pasta and sauce.
February 27, 2010: Sex Workers
Why do the American people have a negative attitude toward sex workers? I am talking about prostitutes, but I refuse to use this word because of its negative connotation. What makes sex workers bad people? Whenever we heard about prostitution on the news, there is a stigma associated with this profession. Why? I cannot wrap my head around why sex workers are immoral beings due to their participation in sexual activity and being paid for it. Maybe there are circumstances that prevent these individuals from working in other professions. For example, if one were raised in an environment with a lack of resources—financial, educational, social, and emotional—one may be forced to join this industry in order to earn money. We are always blaming and castigating sex workers, but we never take a thorough look into their lives. There are gay men who are sex workers, and they earn big bucks. Some of them were forced into the sex industry, and some of them just like sex. I don’t see anything wrong with either scenario.
You may feel that my thinking is too liberal. On the contrary, by accepting all members of society, we are permitting them to flourish in society. Sex workers are people too, and they are entitled to ALL civil rights like the rest of us. I advocate for ALL people regardless of their roles, identities, and backgrounds.
February 23, 2010
There was a fascinating article published in the New York Times on a man who is homeless in New York City, and who struggles each day to get his zzzs. He particularly enjoys sleeping in the New York Public Library for the Performing Arts. He also uses movie theaters as a haven for sleeping. As for clothes, he purchases apparel from thrift stores because it is cheaper than doing laundry. The journalist alluded to his cool, hip, and cleaver nature.
However, the comments on this man “gaming the system” are absurd and downright stupid. What is “gaming the system”? Do you mean playing, manipulating, and/or beating the system? Now, those are the terms that I remember learning while growing up in New York City. And for your information, he is not “gaming” anything or anybody. He is poor and homeless, and he is trying to make the best out of life. The article does not provide details on what caused him to become homeless or the factors that prevent him from finding a home and a job; therefore, we should not assume that he desires this lifestyle.
Who wants to be homeless and poor? Who wants to live dollar to dollar? Who wants to worry about where he/she will sleep the next day? People who subscribe to structural theory believe many variables contribute to one’s homelessness, poverty, etc. Most of us were raised to think otherwise, and blame the victim. This man, who possesses several strengths, has fallen on hard times probably due to a number of uncontrollable circumstances. Many of us have false perceptions of control, which lead us to believe that we have the power to change unpredictable circumstances.
Remember: Riches can always turn into rags in a heartbeat. For more information on the article, please see the following Website: The Wisdom and Wit of an Irregular Library
February 21, 2010: Annoying Neighbors
I am agitated today because a neighbor in my building decided to get up at the crack of dawn to move out. Why are people who reside in Manhattan buildings inconsiderate and ill-mannered? Growing up in Brooklyn, I never experienced neighbors making such a great deal of noise and being inconsiderate of their neighbors. Forget about Manhattan dwellers saying hello, they are downright bitchy! They have bad attitudes and lots of anxiety, and I don’t particularly understand why many of them relocate to New York City. Why do transplants think all New Yorkers have bad attitudes? Why do they think we are ill-mannered? Why do they think we are all anxious? On the contrary, I think New Yorkers are nothing like these stereotypes. I am always making a concerted effort to say hello to everyone, to hold doors for others, and to be aware of others around me.
I have lived in three different apartment buildings in Manhattan, and all three have had the same exact problem of individuals with bad manners. Ergo, I am not making huge generalizations. A part of me misses Brooklyn, but I don’t want to move again and have a long commute. I love the Chelsea neighborhood because of its acceptance of people and its abundance of resources and culture. This neighborhood consists of people who have Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent (taken from the mouth of RuPaul).
February 19, 2010
I subscribe to the magazine, Mother Jones, and I love their leftist edge. There is a fascinating article in the March and April 2010 issue on individuals who reside in adult homes in New York City. Here is an abbreviated history of adult homes: they are places where individuals with severe and persistent mental illness reside and receive psychological and social services. These homes were created to keep individuals with psychiatric illnesses in the community and out of psychiatric facilities. However, in these adult homes, they are treated like infants in that they are unable to make choices for themselves. These types of housing are distinguished from supported/supportive housing in which residents/tenants receive services, but they are treated as autonomous figures.
The article also centered on people with psychiatric disabilities who are covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act. This Act requires that individuals with disabilities, who receive services of any kind, have decision-making power in their treatment plans. However, adult homes do not permit their clients with psychiatric disabilities to play a part in their treatment. To me, this is reducing a person to an inferior status, making him/her feel incompetent in their own lives. This speaks to the studies that were conducted with hospitalized elderly patients who were given the opportunity to take care of a plant independently, which improved their moods.
People should not be treated like objects, lab rats, or guinea pigs!
February 17, 2010: Resiliency
What is being resilient? Many say it is the ability to recover from life’s woes, and some say it is not allowing life to affect you in negative ways. While in graduate school, my colleagues and professors used this word to describe their clients who were battling issues. For a person to overcome poverty, hunger, and homelessness, takes a lot of strength and perseverance. Similarly, I never thought of myself as being resilient, but in retrospect I have surmounted difficult issues.
When considering resiliency, you question whether or not nature and/or nurture are responsible for a person overcoming tragedy. In my opinion, both nature and nurture contribute to a person’s ability to progress in life. Famous Americans have demonstrated these two concepts operating simultaneously. They have endured difficult situations in which they problem solved, and they also received social support to confront these hurdles. Another excellent example of individuals surmounting issues through the use of nature and nurture is the LGBTQ population; it has dealt with severe discrimination, and it refuses to give up the battle for full civil rights. I imagine these people have tapped into their strengths and have enlisted the help of friends, family, and others.
When you’re feeling sad and unable to challenge the difficulties of life, turn to someone who will highlight your strengths, and then use these strengths to your advantage.
February 15, 2010: A Letter to the President
Dear Mr. President:
Thank you for this wonderful day off, but do you think you can possibly persuade your colleagues to provide this country with national healthcare? Do you think you can head an agenda that advocates and promotes tolerance, diversity, and multiculturalism? Do you think that maybe we “homosexuals” can get some civil rights out of it, too? Do you think it will ever be possible for us to live in a world that is free of discrimination, homelessness, hunger, poverty, domestic violence, and disease? Am I being too overly optimistic to believe that change is possible? Remember you said to us, “yes, we can.” What were you referring to?
We—the people who have built this country from scratch—need your help. We are feeling the economic crisis even though the numbers continue to rise in the stock market. What do those numbers mean anyway? These big businesses have power over us, and we unable to compete with them. They tell us what to do, how to do it, and pay us pennies. We are poor, and we live paycheck to paycheck. How do you think that feels? Whatever you politicians are doing in Capitol Hill, it better start affecting us in positive ways. And if it does not, we will begin to demonstrate and tear apart this great country that we put together for you privileged folks to enjoy.
Sincerely, A highly disgruntled and disconcerted American
February 13, 2010 Since Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, I thought it would be nice to write on how love has affected my life. For many years prior to meeting my partner, Michael Carosone, I was in several short-term “relationships” that were chaotic and dysfunctional. I met these men at bars, clubs, and other places in the Chelsea, New York City neighborhood. At first the relationship appeared to be one of affection and mutuality, but quickly it turned into something very ugly. Eventually, I discovered that these men had addictions, personality disorders, and problems with homophobia that were being manifested in self-hating behaviors and feelings. I personalized these feelings and thought there was something wrong with wanting a long-term relationship. After years of dating men of this nature, I made the decision to only allow those people into my life who didn’t have all these problems. I may understand the problems on a psychological level, but this does not mean that I should allow these men to wreak havoc in my life; and I certainly don’t want to act like their therapist if I am their boyfriend. I met Michael one day in traffic, lucky me! I will not tell the story on here because I elaborate on this in my essay from Our Naked Lives: Stories from Gay Italian American Men. But what I will tell you is that he brings out all of my positive attributes. I am living more in sync with myself—embracing all the parts of my identities. I am thriving and progressing each day because of him. His love has truly been the determining factor in becoming the person that I am today. The truth is that you must be at a certain place in your life in order to meet the person of your dreams. I made the decision to not allow any person in unless he fit what I envisioned in a partner. After making this decision, Michael came into my life. Happy Valentine’s Day!
February 11, 2010 Today’s blog is an excerpt from my essay, “Overcoming Internalized Homophobia: Embracing the Real Me.”
All therapists should be educated and trained in LGBTQ issues and affirmative psychotherapy. Tracing a LGBTQ history from the 1960s to the present time alerts us to the reasons for developing and expanding affirmative psychotherapy. We are in the 41st year since the Stonewall Riots occurred in the 60s in New York City, and what has changed for LGBTQ individuals? In the 70s, we were categorized as a “mental disorder.” In the 80s, the “mental disorder” was removed from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, but LGBTQ people remained stigmatized because the vast majority of us were being infected with the “gay cancer”—HIV/AIDS. In the 90s, the HIV/AIDS epidemic reinforced to society that we deserved to die because we were nothing but promiscuous, immoral sodomites. Throughout the 90s, we continued to lose members of our population, and the American government and people sat around while the epidemic consumed us. Entering the 2000s, former President George W. Bush, Jr. defeated his opponent by asking the American people: “Do you want homosexuals to get married in this country?” And presently, in ’09, President Barack Obama signed the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), and he has barely considered gay issues (e.g., ending Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, passing marriage equality, creating equality in the workplace, and increasing funds for HIV/AIDS research). LGBTQ people have experienced homophobia for the last 5 decades, which is why therapists should be trained in affirmative psychotherapy. Unless we are committed to change, LGBTQ individuals will continue to be on the fringes of society. LGBTQ people are the most stigmatized people in the world.
February 10, 2010 This morning I woke up to a blizzard, and I am wondering if my job will be closed. Some thoughts on my mind: I am worried that my writing will suffer as a result of working a full-time job. I have heard many writers who eventually leave their full-time jobs in order to write full-time. I will push myself to write regardless of other circumstances. I refuse to give up on writing a blog, especially since I put a lot of time and effort into the process and have gained a readership. Thank you again to those who continue to visit my Website, and check in with my “Rants and Raves.” Months ago, I wrote a blog on completing my nonfiction book proposal for Our Naked Lives: Stories from Gay Italian American Men—and I am still working on it. I continue to ask myself: Maybe it is finished? Maybe my perfectionist qualities are putting pressure on me to do the best work? What is my best work? Sooner rather than later, this proposal should be in the hands of an agent and/or a publisher. I anticipate a completion date by June of 2010. I apologize and thank the contributors of this anthology for being patient with this process. And I also thank the individuals who have contacted me to ask about when it will be published. I am utterly grateful to those of you who believe in me, and are interested in the experiences of Gay Italian Americans. For too many years, the public has ignored my ethnic identity and queer identity; therefore, it is imperative that we emphasize to the public the importance of accepting and embracing all parts of oneself, allowing one to manifest and cultivate these parts.
February 7, 2010 There is speculation that two liberal Supreme Court justices, John Paul Stevens and Ruth Bader Ginsberg, are going to retire from their posts. An online article reported (please see the Website: article on possible supreme court retirees) that three possible candidates to replace the two justices are: Elena Kagan, Diane Wood, or Janet Napolitano. How about giving one of the positions to a black woman? We should appoint another woman of color to serve on this prestigious court. Unfortunately, us liberals and democrats prefer conservatives to leave, such as Scalia and Kennedy, who were both appointed by our former idiotic President Reagan. At this time, we have five conservative justices and four liberal justices. There is anticipation that if Obama serves another term as president, Scalia and Kennedy could be departing from their posts, too. I would throw a party if either one of them left. Once one conservative justice retires, the current president will have the power to change the political direction of the court. In my opinion, justice is not being served by this court, especially when they overturn a decision on the amount special interest groups can fund politicians’ campaigns.
February 6, 2010 After a year of looking for employment, I was finally offered a position as a social worker in a residence. I will be engaging with individuals with mental illness, low income, substance abuse, and HIV/AIDS. I have had my highs and lows while seeking employment, constantly asking myself the question of whether or not I was lacking experience or not presenting myself properly in interviews. As many of you know, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which interferes with parts of my life. Although I have an abundance of knowledge in psychology and social work, which my CV/resume describes in detail, I didn’t demonstrate this expertise on interviews. Before and during the interview process, a flood of thoughts and feelings about being incompetent occurred, and then I worried if I impressed the interviewer. Hence, a self fulfilling prophecy materialized. An interview is the most important part of the hiring process. Employers are always looking for the “right fit,” whatever that means. Personality and appearance also play a major part in being offered a job. I always dressed in a suit, and my personality was cheerful. Alas, my anxiety prevented me from showing my potential, prohibiting the interviewer from seeing the real me. The point of this story is to tell you folks: if you have a problem with anxiety or you doubt yourself like I do, get help for it. You can overcome these issues. With therapy, I have managed to recognize when these feelings and thoughts arise, and control them. I do a lot of “self-talk” which combats these cognitive distortions through reaffirming my competencies and motivation. Another excellent coping mechanism is to write in a journal; this I do daily, which helps me to examine the negative and positive ways I think and feel about myself.
February 3, 2010: Mayor Bloomberg’s Budget Proposal Today's focus will be on New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s preliminary budget for fiscal years 2010 and 2011. In New York City, we anticipate a 4.9 billion dollar deficit, which is why Bloomberg is putting forth this proposal. I am not opposed to making budget cuts, but I disagree with the places he wants to cut, such as education, social services (i.e., protective services, HIV/AIDS services), and libraries. Why must education, social services, and libraries be the first to receive cuts in their budgets? Did we already forget the case of Nixmary Brown? Are people not dying from HIV/AIDS complications? Did we forget that our students are performing poorly? Are books not regarded as essential pieces of information? Our government does not respect education, and also does not care about the services people need to survive on a day-to-day basis. Here are my suggestions to resolve the deficit: cut the executives’ salaries from all New York City Agencies; axe those executives who do not have the education and qualifications to be in their respective positions; and consolidate agencies, which will eliminate positions that duplicate services. If Bloomberg were to take my advice, he would be able to close the budget gap without having to reduce indispensable services. For more information on Bloomberg’s preliminary budget, please see the following Website: Bloomberg's Budget Proposal. And don't just sit there, do something! Write to Bloomberg, and ask him why he has not considered making cuts elsewhere.
February 1, 2010 On January 26, 2010, educators, parents, students, and community members protested the proposed decision by the New York City Department of Education (NYC DOE) to close 19 schools. After much debate, the New York City Panel on Educational Policy made the decision to close all 19 schools. Also, in opposition to the decision, The United Federation of Teachers' President Michael Mulgrew believes these schools need to be fixed. Why are schools being closed? How will this resolve the problems? How will creating smaller schools within a larger school building improve the academic performance of students? What these schools need are more support staff, including social workers, school psychologists, and counselors. I propose these added staff members because students are facing issues outside of the classroom. Imagine leaving your school to go home to a crack-infested household. Other social issues that these students contend with are low socioeconomic status, domestic violence, drug abuse and trafficking, and hunger. Sadly, these students are expected to ignore their problems at home, and focus on their academics. Educational issues cannot be dealt with in isolation. A holistic approach will help these students to improve their academic outcomes. I am in disagreement with the NYC Panel of Educational Policy. I hope that the teachers, parents, students, and community members can seize power from the NYC DOE; hence, giving them the authority to make decisions for their own schools. For more information, please see the following Website: http://www.uft.org/news/angry_showdown_between_protestors_and_doe
January 30, 2010 A former boyfriend of mine use to tell me, Carpe Diem, which translates into “seize the day.” This year I have been bringing this saying into my daily life. Some can abuse it by going on shopping sprees, drinking and eating unlimited amounts, and being purely gluttonous. For me, I seize the day in thinking about how grateful I am to have a home, food, love, and friendship. Imagine if you were without the necessities of life. We are lucky people in America. If you have not already seized the day, try it. Consider what you love in life, and finally do it or embrace it. You only get older over time, so it’s better not to have regrets. I refuse to have regrets. Thus, I am finally fulfilling my goals of writing daily, overcoming my anxiety, and being aware of the capabilities, skills, and knowledge that I have to offer this world. Onto other important news: The NOH8 Campaign (for those of you not familiar with the name, it’s stands for “No Hate”) is finally coming to New York City. This organization started immediately after the November 4th, 2008, decision from the California court overturning Proposition 8, which allowed gays to marry (they use the term “same-sex” maybe because the word gay is too gay for them). Photographer Adam Bouska, and his partner, Jeff Parshley, founded the NOH8 Campaign; they have taken several photos of various individuals, including celebrities, politicians, directors, etc., to support NOH8 and to show their disapproval of Proposition 8 being overturned. On Monday, February 1, 2010, they will be having a photo shoot for New Yorkers. If you’re interested in supporting this great organization, please visit the Website: http://www.bouska.net/noh8/about.htm, for more information. There is a fee to take your photo, which is then used to support the ongoing work for The NOH8 Campaign. To Adam Bouska and Jeff Parshley: Keep up the great work! And everyone: Carpe Diem.
January 28, 2010 Politics angers me! Michael and I watched excerpts from the State of the Union address, given by President Barack Obama. We believe that people are being too critical of his performance. The man stepped into a disaster. What do you expect him to do in one year? How can he resolve unemployment, stimulate the economy, and mitigate social issues in such a short time? An online article reported something along the lines: “Obama is ruling with his mind rather than his heart.” What the hell is this about? I want a president who thinks about his decisions. Who cares about the emotions he displays in front of the camera? As long as he implements policies and programs that effectively help the American people, this is what matters to this country. Aghast by this nonsense, it reminds me of when the media targeted Hillary Clinton for not being emotional. Sadly, Clinton gave in, and showed us her vulnerable side. Although I am not thrilled with Obama's non-gay agenda and his lack of creativity in fixing the problems, he is making attempts to repair the damages. And to the Republican Party, shut the hell up! All your damn rhetoric is garbage. I want to hear how you plan to remedy the issues—with substance! The American public does not care for your long-winded monologues on preserving the ideals of the GOP. To Sarah Palin: You're an idiot. I wish the media would stop putting you in front of a camera. I am a raging Liberal. Always, I will voice my opinion on matters that affect the American people. Never will I give up hope.
January 27, 2010: Does Democracy Exist in the United States of America? No. It boggles my mind that the Supreme Court can make a decision that affects the lives of 300 million Americans . A Supreme Court is necessary in correcting the injustices of our country. However, when they rule in favor of unlimited donations to political campaigns, this doesn’t sound like they are protecting the people of America. What this ultimately means is that major corporations can support the political candidates who create laws favoring business. Should we allow major corporations to control and dictate the political process? They have already controlled much of the political process through political contributions, but there were restrictions on the amount until the Supreme Court ruled otherwise. As we all know (hopefully), money is the deciding factor when running for office. Why do you think celebrities, like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse Ventura, and Ronald Reagan earned a seat in politics? Democracy is a delusion that we carry on; it no longer exists. What we have is an oligarchy, which means the few rule the majority. Are Americans to blame for this happening? Should Americans be demonstrating to take back what is owed to us (i.e., that our voices be heard)? Yes, our voices need to be translated into policies and programs that help us. Politicians, Supreme Court Judges, and businesses should not make decisions for us. They are not wiser and in touch with our needs. Get involved with the political process to ensure that your voice is heard. I advocate for a people’s republic.
January 25, 2010: Helping Haiti It is approximately two weeks since a major earthquake hit Haiti, and killed an estimated 200,000 people. One of the poorest countries in the world, ruled by a corrupt government, is in a chaotic state. This country requires help-- financially, physically, medically, politically, and psychologically--from the world. The people of Haiti have endured a substandard level of living, which is why many Haitians have immigrated to America with the desire to earn fair wages and live decently. A tragedy of epic proportions has opened Americans’ eyes to understanding the problems that underlie this nation. Haiti was forgotten by many of us until this tragedy occurred on January 12, 2010. Oprah made an excellent point that our lives will continue on, but what will happen to the people living in Haiti? Will they be able to recover? Will they be able to re-build their economy? Will they be able to re-build their homes, and municipal and governmental buildings? This world of ours is filled with poverty, hunger, homelessness, crime, among other social issues. What is America’s plan to assist with these key problems? We need to oust the Republicans and wash in the Liberals. Will we continue to focus on being rich and famous? Or will we realize that we live in a world of problems? Please, give what you can to the people of Haiti. See the following link for more information on how to donate and to avoid scams: MSNBC Article. In America, we are lucky to have access to an abundance of resources. Everyday, I am thankful for these resources.
January 24, 2010: The Great Lady Gaga The great Lady Gaga is a joy to watch on television. I recently came across footage of her on Oprah, 20/20, and a British television show. She is memorizing in her unique style, and demonstrates a sense of humor and a caring nature. On Oprah, she performed a compilation of songs from her album, The Fame Monster, and did a fantastic job. I love when she ends a performance with playing the piano. Her voice is flawless, and I love that New York City accent. After she performed, she sat with Oprah for an interview, which I found to be fascinating. Gaga focused on embracing the parts of yourself that you hate/dislike; this reminds me of Donald Winnicott’s object relations theory of “True Self” and “False Self.” When people deny the parts of themselves that they dislike and that society finds unacceptable, this results in the development of a “False Self.” This may seem abstract, but there is a lot of truth to it. This especially affects LGBTQ individuals because as children we are taught that homosexuality is unacceptable and intolerable. Therefore, from the beginning of life, we are already cultivating a “False Self,” denying our “True Selves.” We can connect the “False Self” to the manifestation of internalized homophobia; one grows to hate oneself so much that one uses all types of maladaptive defense mechanisms to overcome the shame, embarrassment, and guilt over the “True Self.” Gaga admitted she is bossy and demanding, and revealed her past to us. She felt like a “freak” her whole life. I would equate the word “freak” with the same words we experience in the gay population—“misfit,” “outsider,” “deviant,” “unconventional,” and “abnormal,” which then allow others to openly castigate, discriminate, and marginalize us because we do not fit into their conceptions of normality. Being able to accept all parts of yourself—both good and bad—will only help you to project your “True Self” in society. Gaga is an inspiration to the LGBTQ population because of her genuine soul and accepting nature. She promotes love and not hate. She reminds of me Dolly Parton. My surname, LoGiudice, means in English, “The Judge”; hence, the Judge has weighed in on these matters. I am considering adopting this name for my role as a writer.
For the upcoming week, I will blog on Helping Haiti, Healthcare Reform, the election of a Republican Senator in Massachusetts, and the lack of democracy in the United States.
January 23, 2010 Last night, I watched the reunion of the Jersey Shore show on MTV. Boy, was I sick to my stomach. Although the show makes for good television, it certainly makes me angry that these individuals represent my Italian American community. The cast made statements that they do not represent the Italian American community. Note to you folks: Yes, you do, you morons! When you say you’re Italian American, then you are a part of this community because you’re identifying yourself as such. Let’s move onto their ridiculous, stupid, prejudice, anti-Semitic, male chauvinistic, and misogynistic comments. The comments on women being domesticated, especially in this day and age, make me enraged. Why should women stay in the kitchens, clean, and do all the household duties? Note to mothers: there is nothing wrong with being a housewife, except there is something wrong with not being given the choice to participate in other roles. The Feminist Movement occurred in the 60s in this country. Yet, we have Italian Americans and other ethnicities refusing to allow their women to move beyond the home—this is utterly wrong! The Feminist Movement has even undergone several waves, diversifying itself more and more. And sadly, everyone on the reunion, including the female cast members, laughed while the male cast members made anti-feminists comments. Pathetic and sad. The comment on Jews being too holy is absolutely despicable, and every one is entitled to practice their religion and be proud of it (but I don’t respect those that use religion to judge others). On Italian Americans being traditional and primary like these folks—we are not like this. On the contrary, many Italian Americans are well educated and affluent. As a people, we have overcome several struggles in this country, including being discriminated against for not speaking the English language when we first arrived in America, and also being deemed stupid for not passing American aptitude tests on Ellis Island. An amazing book that was published on Italian Americans of today is Avanti Popolo: Italian American Writers Sail Beyond Columbus, edited by the Italian-American Political Solidarity Club. A great book filled with wonderful essays for all of us, including non-Italian Americans, to read, embrace, and learn from. Lastly, many Italian Americans are disconnected from the mother country, Italy. Italy has such a different way of living compared to Italian Americans. Maybe some of you should read La Bella Figura: A Field Guide to the Italian Mind, by Beppe Severgnini, to understand what real Italians are like. To the cast of Jersey Shore: Get you’re freaking facts straight! Learn some history about your ethnicity, and educate America on our peoples. You’re making Italian Americans appear stupid, traditional, prejudice, uneducated, and classless. Tomorrow’s blog: On the great Lady Gaga, a fantastic representation of an educated, classy, refined, poised, and progressive Italian American from New York City. I will discuss her interview and performance on Oprah’s show. I am delayed on my news. And another blog to come is on Haiti.
January 20, 2010 I created a syllabus for a group process class that I will be teaching at Brooklyn College, CUNY this coming Spring 2010 Semester. While reviewing the previous syllabus that I created, a thought occurred to me about what makes a clinician competent to practice as a Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ) therapist? I attempted to start my own private practice a couple of months, and I categorized myself under this specialty. Is more training and education needed to call oneself specialized in LGBTQ issues? There are several therapists who offer affirmative psychotherapy to LGBTQ folks. Recently, I connected with a man who received a Master of Arts degree in Clinical Psychology with a concentration in LGBTQ issues. Interesting, right? He received the degree from Antioch University, located in Southern California. I was intrigued to discover more about this program and university. And what I found was pertinent information being taught to the students on our population’s issues. Why are masters’ programs on LGBTQ issues not being offered to students? As a former student of NYU’s social work program, I attended a course on ethnocultural issues, which covers topics on race, gender, LGBTQ, ethnicity, social class, and others. All practitioners, if I am not mistaken, are required to take this survey course. I feel that combining all these topics is too exhaustive; it’s a poor way of educating practitioners on issues that people contend with in this world. We need a class devoted to LGBTQ issues, a class devoted to race, a class devoted to social class, and a class devoted to ethnicity. You get the point. The LGBTQ population has suffered a great deal, and there should be a course—or even a whole academic program—dedicated to our trials and tribulations.
January 18, 2010 I am becoming a silver fox. Today, Michael discovered that I had two white hairs, and plucked them out. I looked at them intensely under a bright light, and they appeared semi-white; or, was I just having a hard time believing that the aging process has officially commenced? I always told myself that there is no big deal with aging and getting white hair. Who cares, right? But, I suddenly realized that, yeah, I do have a problem with it. I immediately ran to my photos, analyzing every detail on my face for signs of aging. And there they were, lines on my face from the aging process. They were superficial lines, nothing severe, and that would warrant Botox. Then, I began asking myself a set of questions: Why am I obsessed with looking young? Why must we stay young in America? What does being young mean to me? I am glad to have the wisdom and education, but not the white hair and lines on my face. Yes, 29 is here, and soon will be 30, and so on. I am happy to embrace each and every day. I aspire to live a long life, filled with love, friendship, prosperity, and humor. Don’t let your narcissism get the best of you. We all get old, and age is just a number. It’s all about your mindset. In America, we have ingrained in ourselves a negative stereotype associated with older people: that they are frail, and lack sanity and energy. This is nonsense. I refuse to fulfill this stereotype. The mind is a powerful weapon. Use it for your benefit, not to your detriment.
January 15, 2010 Two weeks ago I started reading the book, The Gay Mystique: The Myth and Reality of Male Homosexuality, by Peter Fisher. I purchased this book from the New York City Gay Community Center, and never had the chance to read it. There is never enough time to read a good book. So far, I love the material. Much of what Peter writes on is similar to my essay for Our Naked Lives: Stories from Gay Italian American Men. I would like to discuss the issue of homosexuality being a private concern. This issue was first brought to my attention when I was an undergraduate student at Columbia. During my freshman year, I was exposed a hateful, homophobic event. While in an elevator of a freshmen dorm, a group of young men surrounded me. One of them was inebriated, and decided to project his internalized homophobia onto me. He called me a “faggot.” I honestly didn’t know what to say. My face turned red, and I remember feeling embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I was scared to stand up to him. Being an obvious homosexual was apparently unacceptable and intolerable to many of the people at the University, including this young (presumably closeted) man. My homosexuality should remain in the closet, just like his, because being an overt homosexual will cause chaos, and I may even expose others to my “disease.” Since I have graduated from Columbia, the school has become more queer friendly. HOWEVER, this does not imply that the University respects us, and will allow us the freedom to be homosexuals publicly. Thus, we are nowhere to be found in their curriculum. Nowhere. The creation of a queer studies curriculum is stagnated by bureaucratic issues. And the professors along with the University are antiquated—they refuse to adjust their ways of thinking with modern times. Homosexuality, like heterosexuality, is not a private issue. We queer people, like straight people, want the very same rights in every single domain of life. I implore the LGBTQ community: Flaunt your gayness, talk about being queer to everyone, and never let anyone deny you the right to be happy. Our society has instilled in us that we are intolerable, disgusting, and worthless individuals. Touché.
January 12, 2010: New New York Versus Old New York Today, I joined the Roxy NYC group on Facebook, which reminded me of the old days in New York City. Years ago, when I first came out of the closet at the age of 16, I traveled to Manhattan with my friends to frequent Greenwich Village, Chelsea, and then go dancing. I was under age to be going to dance clubs—but most native New Yorkers go out to dance clubs before the age of 18. My first experiences were going to the legendary Tunnel, formally located on West 27th Street, between 10 and 11 Avenues. I remember feeling really scared to walk through the neighborhood, but my friends and I made it. Once at the door, we ran to the furry room, a room that was designed with lots of fur on the walls and a 60s look. Lady Bunny would spin awesome songs, while we drank our alcoholic beverages, and turned into dancing queens. There were also performances, mainly from drag queens, and I even remember one from Amanda Lepore. I always had an amazing time. Those were the days. Other clubs that I remember frequenting were Twilo, Limelight, Palladium, and the beloved Roxy. 
I still own this CD, which I purchased at the West 4th Street Tower Records store. I am reluctant to admit that I dislike nightlife currently; it definitely does not have the same old New York feel. New New York seems to be about standing around with a drink, while listening to crappy music. I wish someone would re-open the Roxy. I miss it! With our decimating economy, increasing unemployment rates, and good-for-nothing jobs, we need a good outlet, that being a great dance club. Hence, we need the Roxy and the old New York to return.
January 9, 2010 Yesterday, I watched Katie Couric, and she reported on the water issue in our country. Our country continues to grow exponentially each year, which then requires the usage of more natural resources. Unfortunately, Americans are not taught in school or in the community about the conservation of natural resources because we were always thought of as the land of plenty. We are being wasteful, especially with water, and killing vital rainforests for our greedy demands. Last year, I read the book, It’s Easy Being Green: A Handbook for Earth-Friendly Living, by Crissy Trask, which has influenced the way in which I live today. I try to recycle everything, and have educated myself on the correct ways on how to recycle and conserve. Here are some helpful tips on how to conserve and recycle: -With water you want to reduce hot water usage because that requires more energy; don’t turn the faucet on too high; wet the dishes quickly, latter the dishes while the water is off, and then wash them; when taking a shower turn off the water after you wet yourself quickly, latter up while the water is off, and then turn the water back on to wash off; the same rule applies when washing your hands; -New Yorkers should be aware that we only recycle plastic items with the numbers 1-5;
-You’re on the go and want a coffee, bring a coffee cup with a lid;
-Buy only recycled items and if you truly don’t need the item(s), then just don’t buy it;
-Use old clothing, like old tee shirts, to clean your apartment/house;
-Buy from companies that believe in non-toxic ways to produce their items, such as organic products, and companies that don’t exploit their workers;
-Electronics can be recycled, bring them to your local electronics store; and -Use energy efficient lighting and products (*should have the energy star label). Good luck!
January 8, 2010: In Memory of My Ali As I was walking home today from the grocery store, I passed a man who was bent over looking at his dog, and the dog was lying on the sidewalk. As I approached him, I suspected something was wrong. His dog was unable to open his eyes and stand up, and it appeared the dog was going to heaven. I offered my help to the owner of the dog, but he didn’t respond. I am guessing that he was in shock and overwhelmed by his dog’s impending death. I decided to leave because he didn't want my help. I couldn’t help feeling emotional from watching the incident. My eyes started to tear. And suddenly, I had memories of my cat, Ali, who died two years ago. She slept next me every night, lied next to me while I was reading and studying, and yelled in my ear when she was hungry. Michael was the original owner of Ali. She lived until the age of 17. Mourning the death of an animal is a difficult experience, similar to when a person dies. I don’t think there is any difference between the two experiences. Death is death. In 2007, during a cold December day, Michael brought her to the vet. to be euthanized because she was too ill to eat, go to the bathroom, and walk. My eyes were filled with tears. I still feel the same way. I will never forget my Ali.  
Pictures of Ali
January 6, 2010 One of my resolutions is to overcome my obsessive-compulsive habits and to calm down. I feel embarrassed to admit this truth, but I have generalized anxiety disorder. For years I have been suffering from this disorder, and attempting to overcome it by myself. However, from college to the present time, my symptoms have increased throughout the day; I cannot stop myself from feeling anxious about everything. It all starts in the early morning when I jump out of bed, and I mean literally jump out. Michael says to me, “Why can’t you relax and stay in bed later?” I give the excuse that I slept enough and am ready to start the day. This is bullshit. Most times I feel fatigued, because I didn’t get the best rest the night before; even if I go to bed early, I lie there thinking and thinking. After having my morning coffee, I begin making a list of chores that I need to accomplish (i.e., food shopping, cleaning, organizing, etc.). Usually, I check my emails a thousand times a day, for no apparent reason—just another compulsion of mine. I also write during the day. I normally exercise as well, about four times a week. I decided to get help with my generalized anxiety disorder. I selected a new therapist in the Chelsea area. He is a gay man who is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, with probably 20 years of experience. So far, we have had some sessions, discussing my feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy, which have a relationship to my anxiety. We already touched on childhood memories, which remind me of being neglected. I cannot believe that childhood would impact me today, but I think many of us bury the memories hoping we will overcome them. My homework for the next week is to continue analyzing when my anxiety arises, and how to deal with it while it is happening. My prior routine was to run away from it by telephoning people and doing rituals. Now, I talk to myself—allowing myself to sit with it and understand its course. This blog was difficult to write because I am making my problem public, and I do not want to be judged by others. I know many New Yorkers suffer from the same issue, and many of us keep it a secret.
January 5, 2010 Michael and my friend Melanie recently informed me about the three Evangelicals who traveled to Uganda and promoted an Anti-Homosexuality Bill. Once again, I am not a proponent of using the word hate, but yeah, I HATE them. These types of people who promote hate, only hate themselves. They must be gay too. I read an article in the Huffington Post online, discovering that one of the Evangelicals is a gay man who claims to be cured of the “disease.” Sure. If you are a gay man or woman, receiving psychotherapy or mental health services, and your clinician is using conversion/reparative therapy in order to cure your homosexuality, this is unethical practice, as per the American Psychological Association. Wikipedia has detailed information on conversion /reparative therapy, see this link: Wikipedia Page on Conversion Therapy. A person who has a problem with homosexuality is projecting his/her own hate (usually it is due to their own deep-seated issues with being homosexual) onto others. Sadly, in countries ruled by religion, or generally uneducated, they accept the words of others without question. I hope that these three Evangelicals get a taste of their own medicine. For more information on this story, click on the following link: Huffington Post story
January 2, 2010 I finally had the opportunity to watch the documentary, Food, Inc. Michael and I became very emotional while watching it because of all the animal abuse, torture, and killing. Although I respect the farmer who uses traditional ways of raising his animals (i.e., feeding them grass and water only), I felt disgusted watching his workers slaughter the animals. Michael informed me that PETA had an ad. campaign for people who owned pets, yet they still eat animals. Don’t you think you're being a bit hypocritical for owning a dog, cat, or whatever, but you eat pigs, cows, chickens, and other types of animals? I am not judging you for being a carnivore. I am just trying to bring some attention and awareness to the hypocrisy. If you’re a carnivore, please at least eat the grass-fed animals, and not the ones injected with steroids, fed corn, animal fat, chicken fat, cow fat, and antibiotics. Please, take notice of the foods you purchase. Buy organic, buy local produce, and go to a farmers' market instead of a supermarket. Also, always look at the labels on your food—and don’t buy anything with added sugar, or that is genetically modified, or that is not a whole food. Don’t make the few food companies who rule our country richer. Give the power to those small farms that use traditional and natural means. And lastly, food workers are exploited everyday, and their jobs are the most dangerous jobs in our country. They are paid horrible wages with no fringe benefits. Plus, they are constantly being fired and antagonized by their employers. It is vicious cycle that you as the consumer can put a stop to by making informed purchases. Hence, here is the equation: Food CompanyàOwners of many farmers and factoriesàExploiting the workers and the animalsàFood is transported to many grocery stories nationwideàUs consumers purchase the food, become obese, and end up with several medical and psychological issuesà Result is money in the pockets of these big business men.
January 1st, 2010 A new year! Can you believe it? We just entered a new decade, and what is there to look forward to in our country? Poverty, homelessness, hunger, abuse, violence, discrimination, prejudice, homophobia, and many other issues/problems/concerns remain and continue to impact individuals immensely. Are we at least concerned and interested in fixing these problems? I am. Deep inside my heart lies much compassion, empathy, and sadness for the individuals who continue to suffer throughout the world. Are we not all equal? What truly makes us “different” as people? I am always finding my ways are not much different from others. Although you may not be a grassroots human services worker, you can always give your part to society through other means. Whatever has impacted your life adversely, use that as a reason to help others. An example from my life involves writing about my struggles with social issues—and by way of example, I desire to teach people to not discriminate. Why are you scared to allow others to live and let live? Why can’t they be who they are, dress and act the way they want to, and also have the same rights as others? The pendantic, philosophical side of me arises during this time of the year.
December 29, 2009 I am absolutely freezing in New York City, and boy do I hate it. When the winter rolls around, I reminisce on my summer days at the Hudson River Park. I am at least thankful that this year the cold arrived a little later. The major holidays are over, with the exception of New Year’s Day, and of course, I have been thinking about New Year's resolutions. Maybe I am too old to make New Year's resolutions, but it is always nice to have a refreshing attitude for the advent of a new year. I desire to do the following for the upcoming year: 1. Stop being obsessive-compulsive (e.g., writing a "To-Do" list in my calendar, managing my time minute-to-minute, and checking things a hundred times). 2. Relax and allow life to happen because I worry a lot and stress over silly things. 3. Being open to experiences (i.e., make new friends, learn about their lives, and connect with them). 4. Being confident in my abilities. 5. Continue to learn about nutrition, and discover new exercises that keep me motivated. 6. Learn how to cook new foods and purchase a vegan cookbook. 7. Read books that open my mind, particularly books on queer and Italian American peoples. 8. Help people and animals who are suffering. 9. Publish my book, publish my essay, and to keep writing! 10. And to combat homophobia. Interestingly as I was writing about New Year's resolutions, the word judgment was activated. A top priority for me is to continue teaching individuals to not judge others whom they do not like. Generally, judgments are instinctual and based on personality traits, but we need to see beyond the superficial aspects. There is all this talk about acceptance, tolerance, social justice, multiculturalism, diversity, but what still exist are stereotyping, prejudice, marginalization, discrimination, homophobia, and male chauvinism. Let us walk the talk and stop the judgments against others. We are different and similar, and we need to find a way to live peacefully.
December 23, 2009 Happy holidays! I will return on Monday, December 28.
December 21, 2009 Below you find the title and introduction of my essay for the book, Our Naked Lives: Stories from Gay Italian American Men. "Who I Am: A Gay Italian American Man" As a child, I was often neglected and dismissed by my family. And while in school and in my neighborhood, I was discriminated against. I was raised in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, New York, which was a neighborhood known for its large population of working and middle class Italian American people. Being a Gay Italian American man among a mostly heterosexual, Italian American community was difficult. I am the youngest of three children. My parents were divorced even before I was born, and my nonexistent father returned to Long Island, New York, to live with his parents. We remained in Brooklyn, living in the same apartment building as my maternal grandmother; “Nanny,” we called my grandmother, helped to raise us because our mother was trapped in her psychotic world. Being the “baby” of the family did not give me special privileges; the family expected me to abide by all of the Italian American traditions and values of Roman Catholicism. Often, I rebelled against their traditions and values, leaving Brooklyn for “the City”—Manhattan. At the age of 16, I fully realized and accepted that my sexual orientation deviated from the norm of heterosexuality. The purpose of my trips was to meet Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer (LGBTQ) individuals who understood and related to my negative experiences. Prior to my adventures into Manhattan, I endured the confines of heterosexism, homophobia, male gender stereotypes, Roman Catholicism, and the Italian American traditions.
December 20, 2009 Last night, Michael and I watched the film, Julie & Julia, and we absolutely loved it. Of course, Ms. Streep and Ms. Adams deliver a fantastic performance. I must admit that the character of Julie inspired me a great deal. I understand what it is like to be nearly 30 years old, and not have a career that I love. People keep telling me that your 20s are a time to learn about yourself and are usually an emotional roller coaster. I always thought that my education would prevent these hurdles--but I am not the exception to the rule. Thus, from the beginning of my 20s and until presently, I have grown to realize that if you love something, you have to fight for it. Writing has been a favorite past time of my mine since the age of 14; I was always involved in writing in some capacity. In junior high school and high school, I was the Editor-in-Chief of the school newspapers; and while in college and graduate school, I wrote a substantial amount in my journal. My journals are my prize possessions. I have a collection of them stored in my closet. Every now and then, I fetch them from the closet in order re-discover what Joseph was like years ago. I still love to write, and will never give it up. It is my dream to be a successful full time writer. I want to write on social issues, pop culture, gay and Italian American literature, philosophy, politics, among other topics. For my next blog, which will probably be tomorrow, I will post a revised excerpt from my book, Our Naked Lives: Stories from Gay Italian American Men. Stay warm!
December 14, 2009 I wish I could rescue a dog from a shelter, but my lease prohibits me from having animals. This makes me sad. I was thinking about asking my landlords if they would reconsider and make an exception to our lease. Speaking about animals, I am dying to see the independent film Food, Inc., produced by Robert Kenner and co-produced by the author of Fast Food Nation, Eric Schlosser. This film discusses the unfortunate realities of the US food industry. If you are a carnivore, do you know how those animals are being raised on the farm? Eating meat that is injected with steroids and fed animal protein and fats can and will be detrimental to your health. Did you know that body care products are not even examined by the FDA? This is truly confounding to me. All animals that humans eat are tortured--whether it is beef, poultry, or fish. The food industry is one of the most powerful and wealthy industries in this nation. They have one of the most powerful lobbing groups. Hence, this is reason why foods are not put under the microscope for testing. Ever see Morgan Spurlock's documentary, Super Size Me? You have to be a proactive consumer, and ask questions about the foods you're purchasing. Places like Whole Foods sell meats that are raised naturally under humane conditions. Further, workers on these farms are not exploited. Do your homework to find the food markets that sell these types of meats. You can always ask the sales people what farm the meats arrived from, and do your research on those farms.
December 13, 2009 After a week of being home, Michael is beginning to feel better. Thank goodness. I was worried when the doctor told him he had the H1N1 flu. Then again, the media is always blowing stuff out of proportion. Whatever happened to real journalism with real journalists? Let's get more Arianna Huffingtons on board. I also despise when reporters take significant facts/statistics and reduce them to one-liners, generalizing on the results. Other journalists that I appreciate are Anderson Cooper, Keith Olbermann, Rachel Maddow, and Katie Couric. Brrr, it's cold in New York City. Are you dressed appropriately? I hope so. If you have extra winter clothing, please donate them. There are many homeless and poor people in NYC that could use your winter clothing. It breaks my heart to see people who are cold and cannot afford basic necessities. If you can spare a coat, bring it down to Penn Station, and receive a $100 voucher to use at CoatsforClunkers.com. And for other miscellaneous winter apparel, bring them to the Salvation Army. Many residences that house people with severe and persistent mental illness will also gladly accept winter clothing. I remember my former clients desperately needing apparel during the winter months. I am an advocate for individuals whose voices go unheard and ignored. Social issues in our country bother me tremendously. I am saddened by the lack of compassion, empathy, or even sympathy of my fellow Americans. There are too many people who are poor, hungry, homeless, discriminated against, and without healthcare. Please, be mindful of those around you, and help the less fortunate, especially during the holiday season.
December 10, 2009: Human Rights Day Michael caught the H1N1 flu, but apparently it is not that serious. I am angry that his colleagues decided to come to work with the flu, which is why he has it now. Why can't people stay home from work when they are sick? If I am sick, I stay home to recover. For those of you with cold symptoms, stay home, and sleep. I am hoping that Michael will feel better by next week. I am extremely angry over the rejection of gay marriage in New York State. I would like to organize a Marriage Equality March in New York City. I already made a contact with a grassroots organization that is working on this event. Please, click on the following link, http://www.meny.us/index.php, and get involved. I am raging over this issue. And you gays in New York State should too. I have good news about my book proposal: it is almost finished. I revised my personal story (like a million times), and made changes to the marketing aspects of the book. Finally, I feel content with the final product. On the next blog, I may post another excerpt of my essay. In 20 days, I will turn the big 2-9. That's right, I am not 30 yet. I am going to send an invite via Facebook on where I plan to celebrate my birthday. Hey, Mr. DJ, play my motta fuckin' Lady Gaga. Her new album, The Fame Monster, is amazing. Ms. Italiana, a.k.a., Lady Gaga is musically talented, corroborated by Lady Bunny.
December 4, 2009 Calling all New York State Gays: It is time to get organized for an Equality March in Manhattan! Screw the politicians and the people who don't want to give us our rights. We will fight for our rights the old fashioned way by taking to the streets. You know how to work those streets. Please, join Michael and I, in helping us to organize this monumental event!!! I will begin posting information on this tentative NYS Equality March on my Website: josephlogiudice.com under the tab "NYS Equality March."
December 2, 2009 "I know you're angry,” said Harvey Milk. You bet I am. Can you believe the State of New York has rejected the passage of marriage equality? In a State so heavily populated with progressive thinkers, and we vote "no" to marriage equality. This is absurd, disconcerting, and infuriating. I even got the balls to telephone "The Call" on NY1 to discuss how my partner, Michael Carosone, and I cannot marry in our native state. We are two Gay Italian American men who come from families who may be traditional, but support us on our views, relationship, and lifestyles. Anger is always an excellent catalyst for mobilizing people to make change. We don't need 62 NYS senators to make decisions for the gay population. Yes, population, just like Larry Kramer says, not a freaking community! We are not equal with the same agendas. The people voting for our futures are only worried about their damn careers and salaries. Seems like so many people fit this category in New York. Whatever. If you give a shit about my rights and helping me, please come to the north side of Union Square for a rally tomorrow, December 3rd, at 6pm. Grassroots activism is making a return!
November 30, 2009 I asked my Facebook friends: What would you like for me to discuss in today's blog? You answered: religion and sexuality. I will put my own spin on this topic by relating it to the experiences of Gay Italian American men. Normally, Gay Italian American men are raised in a household of devout Roman Catholics (yet, their families probably curse, lie, and cheat), which has hindered them from fully experiencing and accepting their sexuality. Of the Gay Italian American men that I have encountered, all of them agree that Roman Catholics have discriminated against them. And if I am not mistaken, all of them do not follow any of the traditions that a part of this religion. Most of them are healthy young men, with vibrant sexual energy that they continue to explore in the gay population. Keep up the good work, and make sure you tell your ignorant, naive families about your sexual lives. Growing up with this very unique identity, I had the misfortune of being indoctrinated with Roman Catholic dogma. In my essay for the book, I explore the detrimental effects that this horrible religion had on my life. I was forced to attend Catechism classes, and learned how hateful other Catholics can be to nonconformists and homosexuals. After years of torture, I have broken away from the religion altogether. For me to embrace and accept my sexuality, it was necessary to disconnect from it. I am too much of a maverick to be following a religion. I live the way I want, and you should too! And remember, tomorrow, December 1st, is World AIDS Day. Wear your red ribbon.
November 23, 2009 Have you heard about our country's deficit? It hovers at 12 trillion dollars! That is an insane amount of money. How will the United States ever get out of this hole? Political writers are becoming angry with Obama for attempting to stimulate the economy through funds from a stimulus package. This is not going to resolve the long-term issues, of course, but in the short term it may patch up some holes. As far as our unemployment issue goes, we need to create jobs focused on energy, not fossil fuels, I am talking about other ways of generating energy. Drilling for oil is a Sarah Palin and Republican agenda. We need to find other ways, such as solar power, nuclear energy, and wind power. However, from what I read, it appears that these sources may not be enough to keep the United States functioning. Scary? I know. But, I think we need to start wrapping our heads around fixing the energy problem. We seem fixated on the current ways that are not working for us--and they will only destroy us. We also seem extremely resistant to change. What is wrong with us Americans? Are we consumed with our capitalistic ways? Are we too worried about becoming rich and famous? So, what if you own a trillion items and you're worth a zillion dollars; your items will not fix the problems that are about to stumble upon American. Try investing your money into energy or ways to fix the energy problem. Be a catalyst of change! By the way, do you like the design of my Website? You can always email me: Joseph@JosephLoGiudice.com. Commentary is appreciated.
November 19, 2009 The last several days I have been feeling down and out. Maybe it's the weather or maybe it's just life? It is easy to blame other circumstances rather than looking at the real picture. I know exactly what is bothering me: I am unemployed. I have been on several job interviews, and nothing has been offered to me. Apparently, in the job market, social workers with umpteen years of experience are without jobs, too. I have decided to broaden my search for other types of jobs, seeking positions in communications, policy analysis, social science research, and administration. Looking for a job for more than a year has left me feeling disgruntled and angry. My degrees are not helping me. And I also believe many employers do not respect my education and training. Though, should I feel lucky that I have a part-time job as an adjunct lecturer? There are people who have worse scenarios than mine, making me realize that my circumstances are not dire.
Since I always enjoyed writing, most of my days are spent on this pastime. I am the type of writer who reads a sentence more than a thousand times before I feel satisfied with it. Mistakes and confusion are unacceptable, and only hinder the reader from understanding the writer's ideas. I desire clarity and perfection. In that respect, my nature is typical of gay men who are obsessive-compulsive over their work (ever read The Velvet Rage?). Artists of all types have this same nature; Madonna is an excellent example. Some individuals with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) wax and wane from being overly productive to completely debilitated. OCD can resemble bipolar symptoms, but their differences are apparent when a person shifts moods dramatically (e.g., Jackson Pollack painted for hours at a time [manic behavior], and then suddenly loses interest in it [depressed behavior]). Ironically, people who exhibit symptoms of depression may in fact produce far more work of exceptional quality. Some of us may refer to the aformentioned as a type of resistance, which requires excessive cognitive energy and concentration to overcome it.
Whenever I have episodes of sadness, I contemplate my life by examining both the emptiness and fullness of my experiences. Thus, every bad will be offset by something good.
November 12, 2009 In my last posting, I provided an excerpt of my essay for the book, Our Naked Lives: Stories from Gay Italian American Men, and I question its quality. My biggest weaknesses are doubt and self-criticism. I doubt my abilities and knowledge, and this has hurt me in several ways. My self-doubt has limited my potential, causing me to lose track of my ideas and present myself poorly. In terms of this excerpt, it does not demonstrate my real ability to write in a narrative fashion. I desired to disclose an experience that I had with discrimination in the New York Public School system. However, such an intimate story cannot be revealed until the book is published. On the other hand, I can tell you that my essay will elaborate on how people, like boyfriends, teachers, students, neighbors, friends, and family members have impacted my life adversely, and marginalized me because of my Gay Italian American male identity.
A story that caught my attention is the resignation of Lou Dobbs. Good riddance! I will not support someone who is an advocate of anti-immigration and questions our president's citizenship. CNN, please give Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann, or Anderson Cooper his spot. I rather listen to them speak. For the first time this week, I watched Rachel Maddow get angry with the big business men who endorse childhood slave labor. She used the word "freaks" to describe them. I was proud of her, and I felt the same way. More angry people will allow change and progress to occur. Sitting calmly and collectively will not earn LGBTQ folks full civil rights. Equality is not just a word, borrowed and misconstrued by the Republicans and Conservatives; it ultimately means the passage of civil rights equal to that of heterosexuals.
And to my readers, thank you! I appreciate your support.
November 9, 2009
A sneak preview into my essay for Our Naked Lives: Stories from Gay Italian American Men. Enjoy! "Because I was unable to perform male gender stereotypes, I was regarded as, and called, a “sissy” or a “girl” by individuals a part of the American culture and the Italian American community. My sexual orientation placed me into the “deviant” category. Once placed into this category, anyone can openly castigate, discriminate, and marginalize you. I have always been fascinated by American society’s way of placing people into the following categories: misfit, outsider, deviant, unconventional, or abnormal; and one of my interest is studying how these categories effect the development of one’s personality. By way of example, I will use myself as the guinea pig. I, as the “deviant”, have internalized events where I was the victim, because of my refusal to do “normal” heterosexual things. The victimizers—the heterosexuals—responded with verbal and/or physical abuse, similar to the situation that I described earlier. And of course, my psychological development was damaged, resulting in me consuming alcohol, and denying and projecting my feelings, in order to overcome the pain; it was especially apparent that I was not sorting through my prior abuse when I continued to drink and party in Chelsea, New York. Other ways I managed to cope with my bottled-up emotions was by philosophizing on life, talking in riddles and around topics, to avoid the psychological turmoil."
November 6, 2009 Politics are driving me mad! I hate Republicans and Conservatives because they are dragging our country in the mud. They are preventing progress and the younger generation from making decisions on where our country should be headed: to a place that is more equal and supportive of the middle and working classes, while also providing for the poor. Maybe I have my facts incorrect, but it appears to me that the Republicans are going under the guise of Independents. What is Independent about them? They want to promote inequality among the classes, preserving their wealth and power. That political party is pulling out every trick in the book to stay alive. The bullshit that goes on in their party--conspiring, forming alliances, calling oneself by another name, etc.--reminds me of the dynamics in the MTV show, The Ruins. The Republicans are immature, stupid, and pathetic human beings. I don't normally use the word hate, but yeah, I hate them. I heard rumors from The Advocate that there is a casting call for a tentative show, The Gay Housewives. I am excited to see what this new show will bring to the television. I love my gays! They bring a unique personality and creative mind to the screen. As far as the other housewives shows, I was not thrilled with the second season of the Housewives of Atlanta. It was boring. And did it not seem odd that NeNe and Kim are friends again, especially after all that horrible name-calling? I just didn't buy it. I am waiting for the new season of the Housewives of New York City, because these women have fascinating personalities and lives.
November 2, 2009 Halloween night was amazing! Michael and I headed to Hell's Kitchen, and went bar hopping. (We also went to the Halloween Parade, but all the umbrellas obstructed our view). We attended parties at Vlada, The Ritz, and Posh. I had the funniest experience in Vlada. Brenda Black was hosting at Vlada, and she approached us; she told us about the drink specials. At first, I was uncertain whom I was talking to, but then it occurred to me that it was Brenda Black. Like an idiot, I said, "You look like Brenda Black," and her reply, "I am". It was rather hilarious. A stupid comment always begets humor. In every single gay bar we frequented, everyone had a costume on, except for Michael and I. We were standing out. Overall, we enjoyed ourselves as we observed all the different and creative outfits. Recently, I heard about the federal hate crimes bill that passed. It is about time! Poor Judy Shepard should not have waited more than a decade for this bill to be turned into a law by the federal government. What the hell took so long? I realize that there is a process to everything, especially in this country, but this bill should have passed in a much shorter time period. My heart goes out to Mr. and Mrs. Shepard; thank you for being resilient and tenacious. They both deserve a Noble Peace Prize. Silence=Death. Never forget your history. The LGBTQ population will always remember Matthew Shepard.
October 28, 2009 Today, I will discuss the role and identity of the Queer Writer. To address the aforementioned topic, we will first ask a few germane questions: What is a Queer Writer?Who is a Queer Writer? What does it mean to identify oneself as a Queer Writer? And does categorizing oneself as a Queer Writer limit one’s opportunities? These are silly questions, but they impact the life of a Queer Writer tremendously. I would like to tackle the questions, and give you my opinions. A Queer Writer is one who defines oneself as Queer and a Writer, and is open with the public about this role and identity. There are many Queer Writers, including Michelangelo Signorile, Paul Monette, Riki Wilchins, David Sedaris, Larry Kramer, Camille Paglia, Felice Picano, Vito Russo, John D'Emilio, among many others; and every one of these writers are/were self-identified to the public as Queer. And to categorize oneself as a Queer Writer can limit opportunities in the publishing world and general public. Queer-anything has been popularized over the last decade, but it does not imply acceptance by the general public. Many hardships accompany those who have identified themselves in this role. I was galvanized to write on this because Michael spoke on similar questions at the Barnes and Noble reading. For me, I have no problem being identified as a Queer Writer, or as a Queer Italian American Writer, since my identities are inextricably bound. How can I tease them apart? My social identities work collaboratively. I implore the general public: Are you ready for us emerging Queer Writers? We will stand tall, proud, and colorful.
October 20, 2009 Was I too harsh in my last blog? I keep thinking about it. Maybe so, but I am a very passionate person, and I do not take things lightly, especially when it has to do with people representing me. I am not going back on my words. FYI: Italian Americans generally are passionate and theatrical about their beliefs, which fits my temperament.
Shifting gears, I decided once again to quit drinking coffee because it makes me too hyperactive. Although I love the taste and high that it gives me, I realize that it also has its downfalls. For one, I always notice how my mood is altered with coffee, especially with Starbucks Coffee. My mind starts racing, my body becomes tightened, and I begin to sweat. I also notice that since I lost more weight, the coffee (more so the caffeine) has a greater effect on me. I even feel its effect while I am sleeping, when I begin to toss and turn. I read in an article that Madonna does not drink coffee, and I always wondered why. However, it seems rather clear why she veers away from it. I have read studies on the benefits of coffee--but they still do not convince me that it is a beneficial agent to the body. I think maybe us Americans are abusing this substance too much, unlike the Europeans who drink much lower doses of coffee. Why are our cups so large?For me, I want to return to a Zen state of mind, drinking lots of tea (decaffeinated), and focusing on one thought at a time--rather than a zillion when I drink a cup of coffee.
October 16, 2009 Do you ever ask yourself: Who are the people who represent the gay population? I am always listening attentively to those people that represent us at various venues/ways, including media, radio, and literature. Do these certain people think before they speak and/or write? Why are they chosen to represent us? I am confounded by their idiocy and lack of finesse, professionalism, and knowledge to address key issues. I want people, such as Urvashi Vaid and Larry Kramer, to speak and write for us, because they are intelligent, well spoken, and poised individuals. Please, stop before you speak! Think about the sentences you're constructing because you're making a fool of the gay population. You should not represent us in an ill manner. The way to gain power is through thoughtful words.
October 13, 2009 Pictures from the Barnes & Noble event, "Writing the Queer Italian American Experience," which Michael moderated, read, discussed, and signed books . Enjoy! 
The poster for the event  Michael's mom and Michael
Michael before signing books
Michael (right) and I
October 10, 2009 I am embarrassed to admit that I will not be attending the National Equality March on Sunday, October 11, 2009, due to unpredicted circumstances. First, I hate to use the excuse that I do not have the money to travel, but I really do not. Although I teach, write, and have a practice, the economy has taken a toll on my career, because I do not make enough money to live. I am rather thankful to have my partner helping me financially, because without him I would be living with my family. Michael also has too much on his plate, including school, work, and writing. I hate to use the excuse of "circumstances", but these circumstances are prohibiting us from attending this monumental occasion in Washington, D.C. I apologize to my gays for being a poor gay advocate, but sometimes life beats you over the head with its realities. I am making up for my lack of activism by staying inside the NYU Bobst Library, editing the proposal of my book. I am giving my part to the LGBTQ population by contributing to queer literature. Thus far, the proposal is coming along, but can be difficult at times. I am hoping and projecting that a final copy of the proposal will be in publishers’ hands by the end of October. Michael and I have carefully considered every single word of the proposal, reading every sentence ten fold. I am thankful to those people who have been patient with the process, and are enthusiastic about writing a piece for the book. I will ensure to advertise the publication of the book, readings, and discussions, in every single place imaginable. At my age, I am grateful to have the opportunity to work with such prominent people. Lastly, today is my five year anniversary with Michael! I love him very much. He remains my protégé.
October 6, 2009 Why am I focusing on Gay Italian American literature? First, Gay Italian American literature is real life in that these are personal stories of individuals. Gay Italian Americans have their own culture, allow me to explain. While I was teaching Cultural Psychology at Brooklyn College, there were many students who did not believe they had a culture. We all have a culture, and actually, we are a part of several cultures. Take my life for example, here is a list of the cultures that I am a part of: New York City, Italian American, gay, and Brooklyn (Bensonhurst). For my students to understand this concept, I have them draw a pie graph, and write in the various cultures they are a part of. Being a Gay Italian American man is its own culture in that we have our own ways of thinking, behaving, and feeling. Like other minorities, Gay Italian American men have suffered a great deal, in the classroom, in their homes, and in their neighborhoods. Do you know what it is like to be called a "faggot" "fairy" "gaylord" among other nasty words? Do you know what it is like to be punched by someone because he/she hates your sexual orientation? Do you know what it is like to create a false self in order to keep others happy? Do you know what it is like to have religion forced on you even though it does not accept your sexual orientation? The point of all these questions is to make you realize that Gay Italian Americans deserve a part in literature. My culture is not going to remain inside a closet. You deserve to know the true about our lives once and for all. I was never one to hide my life from others.
October 1, 2009 This morning Michael and I ran to Starbucks to buy The New York Times because his event is listed on page A27. After looking at it for a couple of moments and feeling proud, I started to think about the book we're writing together. Have you ever written a book proposal? It is probably one of the most grueling projects that I have ever tackled. Although I love to write, a book proposal must include details on how one plans to market the book; and this part can be utterly boring to write. Currently, I am in the editing stage, and soon I will be sending the proposal to agents and publishers. Some of you may be wondering what the heck the book is about: it discusses and analyzes Gay Italian American men's lives, specifically, the types of discrimination and homophobia that these men faced in their environments. In my essay, I am looking at how various individuals, including my own family, impacted my life positively and negatively. Most of the content surrounds themes that are not new in queer literature, but they are new to Italian American literature. Michael and I have been working diligently to become the pioneers of Gay Italian American literature. However, I refuse to be selfish and not give credit where it is deserved; Gay Italian American writers, including Tommi Avicolli Mecca, Giovanna Capone, and Denise Nico Leto, were the first individuals to publish on the subject in 1999. Their book, Hey Paesan! Writing by Lesbians & Gay Men of Italian Descent, is a collection of memoirs detailing the trials and tribulations of many Gay Italian Americans. I commend them for this work. And the book was also a Lambda Literary Awards Finalist. Gay Italian American literature, like other marginalized literatures, needs to be recognized by the public. The closets will be emptied out, finally!
September 26, 2009 After completing Paul Monette's book, I thought: Who is the next queer writer that I should read? Larry Kramer. His book, The Tragedy of Today's Gays, was sitting on my bookshelf for some time. Many LGBTQ folks know of Larry Kramer--I love him. He is so truthful and honest about the issues that surround LGBTQ Americans, and he refuses to sugarcoat anything. Thank you, Larry! I am not a fan of making nuances into big masterpieces. There is much progress and change needed for our population. First and foremost, Defense of Marriage Act, Marriage Equality, Don't Ask Don't Tell, No Bullying in public schools, inclusion of LGBTQ in labor laws (usually referred to as equality in the workplace), and increase in funding for research on HIV/AIDS are a few of the issues that our population grapples with. Like Larry Kramer, I am a pessimist about the future of LGBTQ folks because we have not experienced much progress since the Stonewall Riots. Why? Although I do not judge our population for contending with other priorities, we should place civil rights first on the list. After having experienced extreme homophobia as a child in the New York City Public Schools, I feel it is my duty to fight for my civil rights by being an active participant and an educated person on queer history, theory, problems, and politics. We--LGBTQ peoples-- have been thrown under the bus, and have been forgotten by major political figures. The economy has trumped our agenda. Do not allow our government to forfeit our civil rights, remind them of your existence by writing and speaking out! And for those LGBTQ folks who are not politically active, just being present at events and signing petitions makes a huge difference.
September 21, 2009 I am dedicating today's blog to the beloved queer writer, Paul Monette. Recently, I finished reading Paul Monette's book, Becoming a Man: Half a Life Story, which is one of the most profound and touching pieces of queer literature. The story is about Paul Monette's life from birth until the time he met Roger Horwitz. I had a difficult time reading about his life, especially because I saw a relationship between my own life and his. Poor Monette contended with homophobia, from his immediate family, friends, schools, neighborhoods, and others, and the effects that it had on him: depression and numerous sexual indiscretions with men and women. The book is written with such an ease and knowledge of literature. The extremely literate and intelligent Monette incorporates literature that he read throughout his academic life, from Phillips Academy and Yale University. He presents a story filled with a tremendous amount of trauma and tragedy, and one almost wonders how he managed to live to adulthood. His resilience is something to be admired by all of us queer folks in the United States. He did not exactly cope with the homophobia in a healthy manner, but he persisted, and eventually developed insight into his internalized homophobia. Monette died in the mid-90s from AIDS, but he left us with his words--and hopefully, they will touch your heart, too. Although both Monette and I grew up in two different time periods, we faced similar homophobic experiences; don't you find that odd? What has changed for LGBTQ folks since the 40s? In my personal opinion, there is a significant amount of change still needed for LGBTQ individuals.
September 19, 2009 I am a day behind schedule with my blog; my allergies were in full force over the last few days. The transition of the weather always takes me for a loop. Anyway, today, there will not be a discussion on politics or pop culture, rather, I am writing on health and fitness. As I was purchasing a cup of organic coffee from Whole Foods, I thought to myself as the cashier asked me if I wanted milk, "this country always adds sugar to everything." Did you know that many foods contain sugar, be it cane juice, brown and refined sugar, and other miscellaneous sugars. I recently learned, even though I am a vegan, that many of my foods contained sugar. I cleaned out my kitchen back in January of 2009 because the sugar prevented me from losing weight; and then I lost 15 pounds. I have always been a health addict, because I want to live a long and youthful life. Why do Americans not think about what we are ingesting? Are we that busy to not utilize our cognitive resources to consider our food choices? Each and everyday, I observe the food choices that people make without realizing the effects that they will have on their bodies. For all of you out there, please read the labels on the foods that you purchase. Stop making the food companies produce foods that are detrimental to your health. I know for a fact that health is a science of its own, because it has taken me years to learn what is healthful and what is not. Generally, you should stay away from sugar, and only consume natural sugars, such as fruits. I swear to you if you only consume natural sugars (do not even consume juices, eating the whole fruit is better for you), you will lose a significant amount of weight. Of course, I advocate for exercise, at least four times a week, with a combination of cardiovascular and resistance training. Mix it up, too! Once the exercise becomes a routine, you will not see results, and the exercise will be boring. Enjoy the beautiful weekend weather :) And don't forget, look at the labels.
September 14, 2009 Can you believe the balls on Kayne West? If you’re wondering what I am referring to, he upstaged Taylor Swift at the VMAs, while she was giving an acceptance speech. He is always seeking attention, and honestly, his behavior is appalling to me. Thank goodness Beyonce rectified the situation by giving poor Taylor her spotlight. Madonna was also present at the VMAs, and paid tribute to Michael Jackson. She is an icon, just like Michael Jackson. Her words were inspiring and truthful, and I always find her to be enlightening. Shifting gears, I posted a new Webpage on my Website. Click on my “Teaching” tab, and you will discover all the syllabi that I developed for courses that I taught in psychology and mental health counseling. I thought some of you maybe interested in knowing what materials I put together to teach these courses. To teach at a college is an amazing experience—the students are motivating, and you are always learning about new material in the field. It definitely keeps the mind working and energized. Michael, my partner, finally created a Website: michaelcarosone.com. I helped him with developing it because I am very computer savvy. He is going to add more to it, as this is the early developmental stage. Have a lovely day and week. More to come soon! September 9, 2009 **Note to my readers, I normally post on my blog every four days.** Rather than talking about the weather, today I am cutting right to the chase. On Monday, October 12, 2009, at 7pm, Michael Carosone, my partner, will be giving a reading from his published works (Avanti Popolo and Gay City Volumes 1 & 2), at the Barnes & Noble, located at West 82nd Street and Broadway. The event celebrates both Queer Awareness Month and National Italian American Heritage Month. Three other prominent Gay Italian American writers will be present, including: Peter Covino, Mary Cappello, and Carl Capotorto. Each writer will read from their respective works and discuss their experiences with being a Gay Italian American. Michael is moderating the event. For more information on the event, please click the following link: michaelcarosone.com or http://store-locator.barnesandnoble.com/event/3008849. Another serious matter was brought to my attention from the media: President Obama was denied the right to give a speech to our students. Why? What is this nonsense to do about him indoctrinating our students? Does he not have the right to free speech like the rest of us? He should be involved in all affairs, including education, in our country. Why did Reagan have the right to speak to our students? Reagan was the biggest moron besides Bush Jr. Obama is a highly educated man who deserves respect due to his education. Although I am still upset with Obama for having signed the DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and not putting gay rights as his primary agenda, he should be able to give an encouraging and passionate speech on education to our students. There is nothing wrong with this. Each and every time I hear about how individuals in this country are against Obama’s left-wing agenda, these are the exact people denying the minority civil rights. Let us place as a top priority the socialization of some policies and give minority individuals full civil rights; this will assist our fellow Americans who are struggling medically, financially, psychologically, and emotionally. The time for change is now, not later. September 4, 2009 I have been asking people about their thoughts and feelings on my Website, and the feedback has been mixed. Some people think that I am writing too much and revealing too much information, and others think that it is perfectly fine. Before creating my Website, I researched many other sites to get an idea of what people were doing on their respective sites. The Websites that I reviewed consisted of individuals who are professionals, and they all have blogs and bios. However, since I am a psychotherapist, maybe I should not reveal as much about myself? I beg to differ because my way of thinking is: Why hide from something you may discover about me? Sometimes us Americans get too paranoid about our personal information, and honestly, I can understand not revealing your social security number, birth date, home address, and home telephone number. These items should be kept strictly confidential. However, what about your personal history, should this be hidden? The book that I am writing and editing with my partner is a collection of memoirs; therefore, you will be able to access my personal history anyway. Who I am consists of my experiences, and I believe my clients should know about where my perceptions stem from, be it academic, personal, and professional. Many of my colleagues, who are trained psychoanalytic psychotherapists, protect their personal information due to the belief that this is unnecessary in the therapeutic setting. But from teaching psychotherapy, many prominent psychotherapists have admitted and recognized that their personal experiences have significance relevance to their perceptions. The difference is when you allow your perceptions to interfere with helping the client; all feelings and thoughts must and should be brought to a supervisor or colleague for discussion. Of course, there have been moments when the client evoked emotions from me that were due to my own past history, but I refused to allow these emotions to affect the course of therapy. I am serious about my profession, and desire for it to grow in a new direction; this direction being that therapists of all kinds should self-disclose to their clients, especially when your clients need to know how you're relating to their experiences. Yalom avers that universality is one of the key therapeutic factors that aid clients in recovery. I agree with him. And generally, a therapeutic alliance/working relationship develops from the universality of themes between you and the client. I hope that clears the air for now. Enjoy your Labor Day Weekend! August 31, 2009 I sometimes wonder if anybody is actually reading this blog. If so, keep reading and tell your friends and others about it. I love writing because it keeps my mind working. The act of writing causes many people anxiety—I use to be one of those people. Michael helped me to realize that writing is a process that we learn from, and we become better writers when we do the act more often than not. Another way to improve your writing is to read anything and everything daily. Reading helps you to develop a stronger vocabulary and ability to understand grammar, syntax, and so on. So for those of you out there who are afraid of writing, read and write, and you will definitely improve over time. Okay, enough of my writing lecture, onto the good stuff. Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week is coming. Are you excited? I am. I love fashion, even if I cannot afford the contemporary trends. For those of you who are invited to a show, consider taking my partner and I along. We are ready and available—not for sex—get your mind out of the gutter. Growing up in an Italian American family, we always valued appearance, and I still do. Your appearance relates to the way you feel about yourself. From what I studied, poor hygiene and dirty clothes are an indication of depression or other forms of mental illnesses/problems. You can disagree with me, but the very first part of all psychosocial assessments and mental health status reports indicate one’s appearance. In America there is too much of an emphasis on one’s appearance, staying young, and hip. I recommend staying true to your beliefs rather than giving in to the latest fade. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” I know you all have heard this quote before, but consider its truth. August 28, 2009 I cannot believe August is winding down, and soon we will be well into the fall; but one thing is for sure, I love my fall weather. I always look forward to my seasons in New York City, but I still dislike the wintertime. Enough about weather, let's move onto something more substantial: I heard people are boycotting Whole Foods because one of the executives wrote an article about health care reform, disagreeing with it, and I believe he even called it socialist. Does any one understand what socialism is? Republicans and other narrow-minded folks need to get their information correct, and stop lying about the tenets of socialism. Maybe they should re-read Karl Marx again, and this time, get their facts right. There are too many poor people in this country that are suffering for the benefit of the few. I am sick and tired of this nonsense. If we truly want to end poverty, we need to take a strong stance and implement programs and policies that actually work. The mayoral elections are coming up in NYC, and have you decided whom you are voting for? I watched NY1 this morning to discover that few people know of Bill Thompson and Tony Avella. Are we going to allow a billionaire to run our City? Prices have only risen because of him. Our pockets are hurting, especially my pockets! We need reform from a pundit who cares about the needs of the poor, working class, and middle class. I have nothing against the wealthy, but the classes under them are taking blows that need to be rectified. Coming from poverty myself, of course I am bias toward helping the underprivileged. And I am always aware that one day riches can turn into rags. Onto to silly news: Yes, I watch Housewives of Atlanta, shame on me. It is a guilty pleasure, along with my other Housewives shows, and I am looking forward to seeing My Antonio (note to Antonio: you are beautiful). One character on the show that bothers me is NeNe. She is a gossip, and no one seems to recognize this on the show. I am not a big fan of hers. She talks all this idiotic nonsense about people being "hood" or "ghetto" when she is the most ghetto of the bunch. People need to buy mirrors. Lipstick mirrors just aren’t cutting it. More news to come. August 24, 2009 Yet another day of hot weather in New York City--it's certainly a weird August. With all this hot weather, my allergies flair up and are uncontrollable. There seems to be more cases of people with allergies than years ago. Unfortunately, my paternal grandmother had severe allergies, unable to function, or maybe that was her feigning illness. My Website is coming along nicely, and I am getting the idea of how to format it. Everyone has a Website or blog these days. The only object that I am lacking that everyone else has is a Blackberry--something that I am dreading on buying both because of the monthly cost and learning how to use it. However, I am sure I will make the transition easily once it is in my hands. I am definitely gadget friendly, and I fit my gender stereotype when it comes to technology. My partner, Michael, on the other hand, loathes the idea of technology taking over our world. Speaking about Michael, a rave review was written on his poetry that was published in Gay City Volume II. Take a look: Click here for the rave review. Also, for those of you who are interested in purchasing Gay City Volume II or Michael's other published work, see the following Websites: Click here for Michael's work and Also click here for Michael's work. You can Google "Michael Carosone," and you will find some of his work and more information about him. Michael will be giving a reading of his published work at Barnes & Noble on the Upper West Side on Columbus Day (October 12, 2009), and three other prominent Gay Italian Americans will accompany him. I promise to provide the link and detailed information on this imminent event. As I reported in my Biography, I am writing and editing a book on the lives/experiences of Gay Italian American men, which is tentatively being published next year. I will keep all of you posted! August 20, 2009 My very first entry! How exciting that I finally get to tell the general public about my views. Well, let me first tell you that I am extremely outspoken, and at times obnoxious, about my opinions. Yes, they are my opinions, not facts, but at times I will present facts to you. Over the last couple of years of reading other individuals' blogs, now I feel it is my duty to give you my point of view. So, what is on my mind? This damn Website is on my mind, how irritating it is to create a Website, so much work to create it--wish I had an assistant to do this kind of work for me. But hey, someone's got to do it. I am pretty quick and have the ability to do multiple tasks at once; this is what we call multi-tasking, something many of us in New York City have learned in order to survive in this rat race. New York City has become too fast, in the sense that we are cranking out work that is not of quality. Of course many of you will disagree with me on this point, but in my eyes, quality has taken a back seat in this country. Whatever the business cog demands of us non-pedigree, vulgar people we accept and follow their demands. Not me. I am not a conformist. I am a leader with unique ideas and creative visions. Ever since I was a child, I have always rebelled against the norms of America. Being a conformist only leads one astray. And by the way, Madonna is still a diva, a bona fide maverick, and my idol.
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